英语话剧剧本Pygmalion

英语话剧剧本Pygmalion

Pygmalion(ByGeorgeBernardShaw)

ACTI

CoventGardenat11.15p.m.Torrentsofheavysummerrain.Cabwhistlelowingfranticallyinalldirectio.PedestriaruingforshelterintothemarketandundertheporticoofSt.Paul’sChurch,wheretherearealreadyseveralpeople,amongthemaladyandherdaughterineveningdre.Theyareallpeeringoutgloomilyattherain,exceptonemanwithhiackturnedtotherest,whoseemswhollypreoccupiedwithanotebookinwhichheiswritingbusily.Thechurchclockstrikesthefirstquarter.

THEDAUGHTER

[intheacebetweenthecentralpillars,closetotheoneonherleft]I’mgettingchilledtothebone.WhatcanFreddybedoingallthistime?Heeengonetwentyminutes.

THEMOTHER

[Onherdaughter’sright]Notsolong.Butheoughttohavegotusacaythis.

ABYSTANDER

[onthelady’sright]Hewontgetnocaotuntilhalf-pasteleven,mius,whentheycomebackafterdroingtheirtheatrefares.

THEMOTHER

Butwemusthaveacab.Wecantstandhereuntilhalf-pasteleven.It’stoobad.

THEBYSTANDER

Well,itaintmyfault,mius.

THEDAUGHTER

IfFreddyhadabitofgumption,hewouldhavegotoneatthetheatredoor.

THEMOTHER

Whatcouldhehavedone,poorboy?

THEDAUGHTER

Otherpeoplegotca.Whycouldnthe?

FreddyrushesinoutoftherainfromtheSouthamptotreetside,andcomeetweenthemclosingadriingumbrella.Heisayoungmanoftwenty,ineveningdre,verywetaroundtheankles.

THEDAUGHTER

Well,havntyougotacab?

FREDDY

Thereotonetobehadforloveormoney.

THEMOTHER

Oh,Freddy,theremustbeone.Youcanthavetried.

THEDAUGHTER

It’stootiresome.Doyouexpectustogoandgetoneourselves?

FREDDY

Itellyoutheyreallengaged.Therainwaosudden:nobodywarepared;andeverybodyhadtotakeacab.IvebeentoCharingCroonewayandnearlytoLudgateCircustheother;andtheywereallengaged.

THEMOTHER

DidyoutryTrafalgarSquare?

FREDDY

TherewatoneatTrafalgarSquare.

THEDAUGHTER

Didyoutry?

FREDDY

ItriedasfarasCharingCrotation.DidyouexpectmetowalktoHammersmith?

THEDAUGHTER

Youhavnttriedatall.

THEMOTHER

Youreallyareveryhelple,Freddy.Goagaianddontcomebackuntilyouhavefoundacab.

FREDDY

Ishallsimplygetsoakedfornothing.

THEDAUGHTER

Andwhataboutus?Arewetostayhereallnightinthisdraught,withnexttonothingon.Youselfishpig--

FREDDY

Oh,verywell:I’llgo,I’llgo.[HeopehisumbrellaanddashesoffStrandwards,butcomesintocollisionwithaflowergirl,whoishurryinginforshelter,knockingherbasketoutofherhands.Ablindingflashoflightning,followeditantlybyarattlingpealofthunder,orchestratestheincident].

THEFLOWERGIRL

Nahthen,Freddy:lookwh’y’gowin,deah.

FREDDY

Sorry[herushesoff].

THEFLOWERGIRL

[pickingupherscatteredflowersandreplacingtheminthebasket]Theresmeersf’yer!Te-oobanchesovoyletstrodintothemad.[Shesitsdownontheplinthofthecolumn,sortingherflowers,onthelady’sright.Sheiotatallanattractiveperson.Sheierhaeighteen,perhatwenty,hardlyolder.ShewearsalittlesailorhatofblackstrawthathaslongbeenexposedtothedustandsootofLondonandhaeldomifeverbeerushed.Herhairneedswashingratherbadly:itsmousycolorcanhardlybenatural.Shewearsashoddyblackcoatthatreacheearlytoherkneesandihapedtoherwaist.Shehasabrowkirtwithacoarseapron.Herbootsaremuchtheworseforwear.Sheiodoubtascleanahecanaffordtobeutcomparedtotheladieheisverydirty.Herfeaturesarenoworsethantheiruttheirconditionleaveomethingtobedesired;andsheneedstheservicesofadentist].

THEMOTHER

Howdoyouknowthatmyson’ameisFreddy,pray?

THEFLOWERGIRL

Ow,eezye-ooasan,ise?Wal,fewddany’de-ootybawmzamathershould,eednowbetterntoawlaporegel’sflahrznthanranawyathahtpyin.Willye-oopymef’them?[Here,withapologies,thisdeerateattempttorepresentherdialectwithoutaphoneticalphabetmustbeabandonedasunintelligibleoutsideLondon.]

THEDAUGHTER

Donothingofthesort,mother.Theidea!

THEMOTHER

Pleaseallowme,Clara.Haveyouanypeies?

THEDAUGHTER

No.I’venothingsmallerthaixpence.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[hopefully]Icangiveyouchangeforataer,kindlady.

THEMOTHER

[toClara]Giveittome.[Clarapartsreluctantly].Now[tothegirl]Thisisforyourflowers.

THEFLOWERGIRL

Thankyoukindly,lady.

THEDAUGHTER

Makehergiveyouthechange.Thesethingsareonlyapeyabunch.

THEMOTHER

Doholdyourtongue,Clara.[Tothegirl].Youcankeepthechange.

THEFLOWERGIRL

Oh,thankyou,lady.

THEMOTHER

Nowtellmehowyouknowthatyounggentleman’ame.

THEFLOWERGIRL

Ididnt.

THEMOTHER

Iheardyoucallhimbyit.Donttrytodeceiveme.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[protesting]Whostryingtodeceiveyou?IcalledhimFreddyorCharliesameasyoumightyourselfifyouwastalkingtoastrangerandwishedtobepleasant.[Shesitsdowesideherbasket].

THEDAUGHTER

Sixpencethrownaway!Really,mamma,youmighthavearedFreddythat.[Sheretreatsindisgustbehindthepillar].

Anelderlygentlemanoftheamiablemilitarytyperushesintoshelter,andclosesadriingumbrella.HeisinthesameplightasFreddy,verywetabouttheankles.Heisineveningdre,withalightovercoat.Hetakestheplaceleftvacantbythedaughter’sretirement.

THEGENTLEMAN

Phew!

THEMOTHER

[tothegentleman]Oh,sir,isthereanysignofittoing?

THEGENTLEMAN

I’mafraidnot.Itstartedworsethaneverabouttwominutesago.[Hegoestotheplinthbesidetheflowergirlutsuphisfootonit;andstoototurndownhistrouserends].

THEMOTHER

Oh,dear![Sheretireadlyandjoiherdaughter].

THEFLOWERGIRL

[takingadvantageofthemilitarygentleman’roximitytoestablishfriendlyrelatiowithhim].Ifit’sworseit’sasignit’earlyover.Socheerup,Captaiandbuyafloweroffapoorgirl.

THEGENTLEMAN

I’msorry,Ihavntanychange.

THEFLOWERGIRL

Icangiveyouchange,Captain.

THEGENTLEMEN

Forasovereign?Ivenothingle.

THEFLOWERGIRL

Garn!Ohdobuyafloweroffme,Captain.Icanchangehalf-a-crown.Takethisfortuence.

THEGENTLEMAN

Nowdontbetroublesome:theresagoodgirl.[Tryinghiockets]Ireallyhavntanychange--Stop:heresthreehapence,ifthatsanyusetoyou[heretreatstotheotherpillar].

THEFLOWERGIRL

[disaointed,butthinkingthreehalfpencebetterthaothing]Thankyou,sir.

THEBYSTANDER

[tothegirl]Youbecareful:givehimaflowerforit.Theresablokeherebehindtakingdowneverybleedwordyouresaying.[Allturntothemanwhoistakingnotes].

THEFLOWERGIRL

[ringingupterrified]Iaintdonenothingwrongbyeakingtothegentleman.IvearighttosellflowersifIkeepoffthekerb.[Hysterically]I’mareectablegirl:sohelpme,Ineveroketohimexcepttoaskhimtobuyafloweroffme.[Generalhuub,mostlysympathetictotheflowergirl,butdeprecatingherexceiveseibility.CriesofDontstarthollerin.Whoshurtingyou?Nobody’sgoingtotouchyou.Whatsthegoodoffuing?Steadyon.Easy,easy,etc.,comefromtheelderlystaidectators,whopathercomfortingly.Leatientoneidhershutherhead,oraskherroughlywhatiswrongwithher.Aremotergroup,notknowingwhatthematteris,crowdinandincreasethenoisewithquestionandawer:Whatstherow?Whatshedo?Whereishe?Atectakingherdown.What!him?Yes:himoverthere:Tookmoneyoffthegentleman,etc.Theflowergirl,distraughtandmoed,breaksthroughthemtothegentleman,cryingwildly]Oh,sir,dontlethimchargeme.Youduowhatitmeatome.Theylltakeawaymycharacteranddrivemeonthestreetsforeakingtogentlemen.They--

THENOTETAKER

[comingforwardonherright,therestcrowdingafterhim]There,there,there,there!whoshurtingyou,yousillygirl?Whatdoyoutakemefor?

THEBYSTANDER

It’sallright:hesagentleman:lookathioots.[Explainingtothenotetaker]Shethoughtyouwasacoer’ark,sir.

THENOTETAKER

[withquickinterest]Whatsacoer’ark?

THEBYSTANDER

[inaptatdefinition]It’sa--well,it’sacoer’ark,asyoumightsay.Whatelsewouldyoucallit?Asortofinformer.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[stillhysterical]ItakemyBibleoathIneversaidaword--

THENOTETAKER

[overbearingbutgood-humored]Oh,shutup,shutup.DoIlooklikeapoliceman?

THEFLOWERGIRL

[farfromreaured]Thenwhatdidyoutakedownmywordsfor?HowdoIknowwhetheryoutookmedownright?Youjustshewmewhatyouvewroteaboutme.[Thenotetakeropehiookandholdsitsteadilyunderhernose,thoughthepreureofthemobtryingtoreaditoverhihoulderswoulduetaweakerman].Whatsthat?Thataintproperwriting.Icantreadthat.

THENOTETAKER

Ican.[Reads,reproducingherpronunciationexactly]"Cheerap,Kepti’bawyaflahrorfaporegel."

THEFLOWERGIRL

[muchdistreed]It’ecauseIcalledhimCaptain.Imeantnoharm.[Tothegentleman]Oh,sir,dontlethimlayachargeagenmeforawordlikethat.You--

THEGENTLEMAN

Charge!Imakenocharge.[Tothenotetaker]Really,sir,ifyouareadetective,youneednotbegirotectingmeagaitmolestatioyyoungwomenuntilIaskyou.Anybodycouldseethatthegirlmeantnoharm.

THEBYSTANDERSGENERALLY

[demotratingagaitpoliceeionage]Coursetheycould.Whatbusineisitofyours?Youmindyourownaffairs.Hewantromotion,hedoes.Takingdoweople’swords!Girlneversaidawordtohim.Whatharmifshedid?Nicethingagirlcantshelterfromtherainwithoutbeingiulted,etc.,etc.,etc.[Sheisconductedbythemoresympatheticdemotratoracktoherplinth,wheresheresumesherseatandstruggleswithheremotion.]

THEBYSTANDER

Heaintatec.Hesabloomingbusybody:thatswhatheis.Itellyou,lookathioots.

THENOTETAKER

[turningonhimgenially]AndhowareallyourpeopledownatSelsey?

THEBYSTANDER

[suiciously]WhotoldyoumypeoplecomefromSelsey?

THENOTETAKER

Neveryoumind.Theydid.[Tothegirl]Howdoyoucometobeuofareast?YouwereborninLionGrove.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[aalled]Oh,whatharmisthereinmyleavingLionGrove?ItwatfitforapigtoliveiandIhadtopayfour-and-sixaweek.[Intears]Oh,boo--hoo--oo--

THENOTETAKER

Livewhereyoulikeutstopthatnoise.

THEGENTLEMAN

[tothegirl]Come,come!hecanttouchyou:youhavearighttolivewhereyouplease.

ASARCASTICBYSTANDER

[thrustinghimselfbetweenthenotetakerandthegentleman]ParkLane,foritance.IdliketogointotheHousingQuestionwithyou,Iwould.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[suidingintoabroodingmelancholyoverherbasket,andtalkingverylow-iritedlytoherself]I’magoodgirl,Iam.

THESARCASTICBYSTANDER

[notattendingtoher]DoyouknowwhereIcomefrom?

THENOTETAKER

[promptly]Hoxton.

Titterings.Popularinterestinthenotetaker’erformanceincreases.

THESARCASTICONE

[amazed]Well,whosaidIdidnt?Blyme!Youknoweverything,youdo.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[stillnursingherseeofinjury]Aintnocalltomeddlewithme,heaint.

THEBYSTANDER

[toher]Ofcourseheaint.Dontyoustanditfromhim.[Tothenotetaker]Seehere:whatcallhaveyoutoknowaboutpeoplewhatneverofferedtomeddlewithyou?Wheresyourwarrant?

SEVERALBYSTANDERS

[encouragedbythieemingpointoflaw]Yes:wheresyourwarrant?

THEFLOWERGIRL

Lethimsaywhathelikes.Idontwanttohavenotruckwithhim.

THEBYSTANDER

Youtakeusfordirtunderyourfeet,dontyou?Catchyoutakinglibertieswithagentleman!

THESARCASTICBYSTANDER

Yes:tellhimwherehecomefromifyouwanttogofortune-telling.

THENOTETAKER

Cheltenham,Harrow,Cambridge,andIndia.

THEGENTLEMAN

Quiteright.[Greatlaughter.Reactioninthenotetaker’sfavor.ExclamatioofHeknowsallaboutit.Toldhimproper.Hearhimtellthetoffwherehecomefrom?etc.].MayIask,sir,doyoudothisforyourlivingatamusichall?

THENOTETAKER

Ivethoughtofthat.PerhaIshallsomeday.

Therainhatoed;andthepersoontheoutsideofthecrowdbegintodropoff.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[resentingthereaction]Heogentleman,heaint,tointerferewithapoorgirl.

THEDAUGHTER

[outofpatience,pushingherwayrudelytothefrontanddilacingthegentleman,whopolitelyretirestotheothersideofthepillar]WhatonearthisFreddydoing?IshallgeteumoniaifIstayinthisdraughtanylonger.

THENOTETAKER

[tohimself,hastilymakinganoteofherpronunciationof"monia"]Earlscourt.

THEDAUGHTER

[violently]Willyoupleasekeepyourimpertinentremarkstoyourself?

THENOTETAKER

DidIsaythatoutloud?Ididntmeanto.Ibegyourpardon.Yourmother’sEom,unmistakeably.

THEMOTHER

[advancingbetweenherdaughterandthenotetaker]Howverycurious!IwaroughtupinLargeladyPark,nearEom.

THENOTETAKER

[uproariouslyamused]Ha!ha!Whatadevilofaname!Excuseme.[Tothedaughter]Youwantacab,doyou?

THEDAUGHTER

Dontdareeaktome.

THEMOTHER

Oh,please,pleaseClara.[Herdaughterrepudiatesherwithanangryshrugandretireshaughtily.]Weshouldbesogratefultoyou,sir,ifyoufoundusacab.[Thenotetakerproducesawhistle].Oh,thankyou.[Shejoiherdaughter].

Thenotetakerblowsapiercingblast.

THESARCASTICBYSTANDER

There!Iknowedhewasaplain-clothescoer.

THEBYSTANDER

Thataintapolicewhistle:thatsaortingwhistle.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[stillpreoccupiedwithherwoundedfeelings]Heorighttotakeawaymycharacter.Mycharacteristhesametomeasanylady’s.

THENOTETAKER

Idontknowwhetheryouvenoticedituttheraitoedabouttwominutesago.

THEBYSTANDER

Soithas.Whydidntyousaysobefore?anduslosingourtimelisteningtoyoursilline.[HewalksofftowardstheStrand].

THESARCASTICBYSTANDER

Icantellwhereyoucomefrom.YoucomefromAnwell.Gobackthere.

THENOTETAKER

[helpfully]Hanwell.

THESARCASTICBYSTANDER

[affectinggreatdistinctionofeech]Thenkyou,teacher.Hawhaw!Solong[hetoucheshishatwithmockreectandstrollsoff].

THEFLOWERGIRL

Frighteningpeoplelikethat!Howwouldhelikeithimself.

THEMOTHER

It’squitefinenow,[ShegathersherskirtsaboveheranklesandhurriesofftowardstheStrand].

THEDAUGHTER

Butthecab--[hermotherisoutofhearing].Oh,howtiresome![Shefollowsangrily].

Alltheresthavegoneexceptthenotetaker,thegentleman,andtheflowergirl,whositsarrangingherbasket,andstillpityingherselfinmurmurs.

THEFLOWERGIRL

Poorgirl!Hardenoughforhertolivewithoutbeingworritedandchivied.

THEGENTLEMAN

[returningtohisformerplaceonthenotetaker’sleft]Howdoyoudoit,ifImayask?

THENOTETAKER

Simplyphonetics.Thescienceofeech.Thatsmyprofeion:alsomyhoy.Hayisthemanwhocanmakealivingbyhishoy!YoucaotanIrishmanoraYorkshiremayhirogue.Icalaceanymanwithiixmiles.IcalacehimwithintwomilesinLondon.Sometimeswithintwostreets.

THEFLOWERGIRL

Oughttobeashamedofhimself,unmanlycoward!

THEGENTLEMAN

Butistherealivinginthat?

THENOTETAKER

Ohyes.Quiteafatone.Thisisanageofutarts.MeegininKentishTownwith?0ayear,andendiarkLanewithahundredthousand.TheywanttodropKentishTowuttheygivethemselvesawayeverytimetheyopentheirmouths.NowIcanteachthem--

THEFLOWERGIRL

Lethimmindhisowusineandleaveapoorgirl--

THENOTETAKER

[explosively]Woman:ceasethisdetestableboohooingitantly;orelseseektheshelterofsomeotherplaceofworship.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[withfeebledefiance]IvearighttobehereifIlike,sameasyou.

THENOTETAKER

Awomanwhoutteruchdepreinganddisgustingsoundshaorighttobeanywhere--norighttolive.Rememberthatyouareahumaeingwithasoulandthedivinegiftofarticulateeech:thatyournativelanguageisthelanguageofShakeearandMiltonandTheBible;anddontsittherecrooninglikeabiliouigeon.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[quiteoverwhelmed,andlookingupathiminmingledwonderanddeprecationwithoutdaringtoraiseherhead]Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow-ow-oo!

THENOTETAKER

[whiingouthiook]Heave!whatasound![Hewritethenholdsoutthebookandreads,reproducinghervowelsexactly]Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow-ow-oo!

THEFLOWERGIRL

[tickledbytheperformance,andlaughingiiteofherself]Garn!

THENOTETAKER

YouseethiscreaturewithherkertoneEnglish:theEnglishthatwillkeepherintheguttertotheendofherdays.Well,sir,inthreemonthsIcouldpathatgirloffasaducheatanambaador’sgardearty.Icouldevengetheraplaceaslady’smaidorshopaistant,whichrequireetterEnglish.ThatsthesortofthingIdoforcommercialmillionaires.AndontheprofitsofitIdogenuinescientificworkihonetics,andalittleasapoetonMiltoniclines.

THEGENTLEMAN

IammyselfastudentofIndiandialectand--

THENOTETAKER

[eagerly]Areyou?DoyouknowColonelPickering,theauthorofokeacrit?

THEGENTLEMAN

IamColonelPickering.Whoareyou?

THENOTETAKER

HenryHiggi,authorofHiggi’sUniversalAlphabet.

PICKERING

[withenthusiasm]IcamefromIndiatomeetyou.

HIGGI

IwasgoingtoIndiatomeetyou.

PICKERING

Wheredoyoulive?

HIGGI

/PICKERING

I’ /HIGGI

Rightyouare.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[toPickering,ashepaesher]Buyaflower,kindgentleman.I’mshortformylodging.

PICKERING

Ireallyhavntanychange.I’msorry[hegoesaway].

HIGGI

[shockedatgirl’smendacity]Liar.Yousaidyoucouldchangehalf-a-crown.

THEFLOWERGIRL

[risingindeeration]Yououghttobestuffedwithnails,youought.[Flingingthebasketathisfeet]Takethewholebloomingbasketforsixpence.

Thechurchclockstrikesthesecondquarter.

HIGGI

[hearinginitthevoiceofGod,rebukinghimforhiharisaicwantofcharitytothepoorgirl]Areminder.[Heraiseshishatsolemnly;thenthrowsahandfulofmoneyintothebasketandfollowickering].

THEFLOWERGIRL

[pickingupahalf-crown]Ah-ow-ooh![Pickingupacoupleofflori]Aaah-ow-ooh![Pickingueveralcoi]Aaaaaah-ow-ooh![Pickingupahalf-sovereign]Aaaaaaaaaaaah-ow-ooh!!!

FREDDY

[ringingoutofataxicab]Gotoneatlast.Hallo![Tothegirl]Wherearethetwoladiesthatwerehere?

THEFLOWERGIRL

Theywalkedtothebuswhentheraitoed.

FREDDY

Andleftmewithacabonmyhands.Damnation!

THEFLOWERGIRL

[withgrandeur]Neveryoumind,youngman.I’mgoinghomeinataxi.[Shesailsofftothecab.Thedriverputshishandbehindhimandholdsthedoorfirmlyshutagaither.Quiteunderstandinghismistrust,sheshewshimherhandfulofmoney.]Eightpenceaintnoobjecttome,Charlie.[Hegriandopethedoor].AngelCourt,DruryLane,roundthecornerofMicklejohn’soilshop.Leteehowfastyoucanmakeherhopit.[Shegetsinandpullsthedoortowithaslamasthetaxicatarts].

FREDDY

Well,I’mdashed!