地铁上的小插曲

Mid-afternoon， mid-week. Dark and wet like many a December day in the 1）City of Light. I descend into metro Colonel Fabien and try to shake off the cold.

When the train arrives， I spy through the window the one free seat. It will be mine. The man behind me has the same idea. He rushes past me as soon as the doors open， nearly 2）sprinting to get to the seat. He 3）plops down and puts on that blank city face： I don’t see you even though you’re right in front of me.

No matter. I gave up expecting 4）chivalry a long time ago. Plus， you never really know what’s going on for people. Maybe he really did need that seat more. It may just be a trick to tell myself that， but it makes me feel better anyway.

I stand and think about whatever I think about on the train.

周三，三点。天气又阴暗又潮湿，正如“光之城”十二月的许多日子一样。我走进了地铁“法比安上校站”，试图甩掉户外的寒气。

当列车到站时，我透过车窗瞥见了那一个空座。那将是我的。但我后面的那个男人也有着同样的想法。车门刚打开，他就迅速从我身边冲了进去，几乎是以冲刺的速度到达了那个座位。他“扑通”一声坐下，然后板起了僵硬的城市人面孔：即便你就站在我面前，我也对你视而不见。

没关系。我在很早以前就已经对骑士风度不抱希望了。而且，你永远也不可能真正了解别人当时的状况。也许他真的更需要那个座位呢。这或许只是自我安慰罢了，不过至少让我感觉好多了。

我站在车里，像平日坐车时那样想着自己的心事。

Then another seat becomes available， but it’s facing the back. I can’t sit backwards. （Well， I can， but I feel 5）nauseous.）

I sit sideways on the seat so I’m not opposite the train’s movement.

We pull up to the next stop and a group of young elementary school children are lined up. Whole groups of kids pouring into the metro sometimes make me nervous， but as soon as this group enters， the other possibility presents itself： delight.

One advantage of miserable weather is the 6）plethora of tiny 7）tots in puffy coats， adorable 8）mittens and cute little hats. The kids are bubbly and happy， but well-behaved. The girls right next to me （we’re at eye level， me sitting， them standing） are caught up in playing a little girl game， but they give me a smile when they glance my way and I smile back. I want to take a picture of the whole lot of them. This is grand！ Another one of those small moments for which I’m grateful.

Then one of their guardians―Alexandre， I overhear―pulls the girls nearest me away.

“Don’t you see you’re crushing the dame！”

The three are lined up now， a beautiful whiteblack-Asian rainbow， looking as if they’re in front of a 9）firing squad. 10）Reprimands in French sound at a frequency that send shivers down the spine.

接着，另一个座位也空出来了，但那是逆向的。我不能坐逆向的座位。（嗯，其实我可以，但会觉得恶心反胃。）

于是我侧坐在椅子上，这样就不会背向着列车前进的方向。

列车在下一站停了下来，一群小学生正在排队等候。有时候成群的孩子涌入车厢会让我紧张，但当这一群孩子走进来时，另一种可能却涌上了心头：高兴。

糟糕天气的好处之一便是能见到这许许多多穿着胖嘟嘟的冬衣，戴着漂亮的连指手套，还有可爱的小帽子的孩子们。这些孩子都活泼快乐，但举止有礼。我身旁的女孩子们（我们的视线刚好齐平，我坐着，她们站着）正沉迷于某个女生间的小游戏，但当她们向我这边一瞥，我回以微笑时，她们也对我报以微笑。我想要给他们所有人拍张照。这真是太棒了！这正是我心怀感激的那些微小时刻之一。

接着，他们的看护人之一――亚历山大，我无意中听到他的名字――将离我最近的女孩子们拉开了。

“你们没看到自己挤到这位女士了吗！”

现在这三个孩子站成了一排，如同一道美丽的黑白黄色彩虹，看起来她们就像正站在行刑队的面前。用法语说出的训斥以一个令人脊梁骨发凉的频率在空中回响。

“Je ne suis pas content！” Alexandre says. “This calls for punishment. As soon as I see your mothers， I’m telling them what you did！”

I see in their little faces they have no idea what they’ve done. I don’t either！

Wait， Monsieur！ I’m the dame？！

Alexandre is going on about how he’s told them to pay attention. “Apologize to the lady，” he says motioning at me. He thinks I was being prevented from sitting in the seat properly because they were there！

The other guardian， a woman， echoes something Alexandre says but then softens. “C’est pas grave，” she whispers at them.

I catch her eye and enthusiastically confirm. Yes， yes， it’s not serious！ She smiles wanly at me.

We all get off at the next stop―the entire episode took place between only one metro stop to the next.

“I was already in that position. They didn’t do anything wrong，” I tell Alexandre as we pile out of the car.

At least that’s what I think I say. My French often fails me under pressure.

“我很不高兴！”亚历山大说。“这种行为要受到惩罚。等我一见到你们的母亲，我就会把你们的所作所为告诉她们！”

我从她们的小脸上看得出，她们完全不知道自己做错了什么。我也不知道！

等等，先生！我就是那个女士？！

亚历山大继续说着，说他之前怎样告诫过她们要小心注意的。“向这位女士道歉，”他边说边向我示意。他认为是因为她们站在那里，所以我才没法好好地坐在座位上。

另一位看护人，是一位女士，重复着亚历山大的话，但声线柔和。“没关系的，”她低声对她们说。

我迎上她的目光，起劲地证实她的话。是的，是的，没关系的！她疲惫地对着我笑了笑。

到了下一站，我们全都下车了――整个小插曲仅仅发生在地铁的两站之间。

“我早就是那么坐着的。她们没做错什么，”当我们涌出车厢时我对亚历山大说。

至少我认为自己是那么说的。只要一有压力，我的法语水平就会让我失望。

“They have to learn to pay attention and be polite，” he tells me in that same stern teacher tone.

I 11）feebly try again. “But they weren’t crushing me.”They are polite！ They are amazing！

It’s awkward. He’s trying to get a group of little kids safely off the train， but this is also the only moment to tell him he misread the situation. Save the children！

As the whole bustling group reassembles on the platform， I’m left not knowing if I made my point. Do I insist？ Does it matter？

I climb the stairs back out into the cold， Paris rain， 12）deriding myself. Down. Why couldn’t I say anything better？ Why can I still not speak French well？ Is it okay to contradict what a child’s caretaker is saying？ How could I not？

I open my umbrella and wrap my coat tighter around me， trying to stay warm. I offer a silent wish that the incident will quickly be forgotten， that no mamans of those sweet kids will be told. And I also wish to be what I know I’m capable of， but only sometimes am： bold.

“她们必须学会小心注意和讲礼貌，”他依然用着同样坚定的教师口吻对我说道。

我无力地又尝试了一遍。“但她们没有挤到我。”她们很有礼貌！她们太棒了！

场面很棘手。他正努力将一群小孩子安全地带出列车，但这也是唯一能够告诉他，他误解了情况的时刻。救救这些孩子吧！

当整个闹哄哄的队伍在站台上重新集合时，我离开了，不知道是否说清了自己的想法。我强调观点了吗？起作用了吗？

我登上楼梯，回到户外寒冷的巴黎细雨中，嘲讽着自己。心情沮丧。为什么我不能讲得好些呢？为什么我还是说不好法语呢？应不应该反驳一位幼师的话呢？我又怎么能不去反驳呢？

我撑开了雨伞，用大衣把自己裹得更紧了，试图保暖。我静静地许了个愿，希望这个小插曲能够很快被忘记，不会有人向这些可爱的孩子们的母亲告状。另外，我也希望能够做到――我明知自己有能力做到的，但却只是在某些时候能做到：勇敢些。