学生优秀英语习作欣赏

（一）

Don’tPlayPuppyLove，DearFriend

Wang Li，my good friend，didn’t pass the entrance examination to senior high school，which irrigated her parents greatly as well as confused some teachers and her classmates. As a good girl like her，why is theresultlikethat？

Really，she was very good at her lessonswhenshecametojuniorhighschool. What’s more，she was clever and beautiful. Therefore，everyonelikedher，andthe teachers all thought that she would be a girl ofgreatpromise.

However，many boys began to write to her and ask her to be their girlfriend. At first，she felt very nervous and refused them，butlater，shecannotbutacceptoneas her boyfriend. From then on，she often went outtoplaywiththeboyandwasabsentfromherclass.

As one of her good friends，I tried to persuade her not to fall in love with the boy at such an early age，but shedidn’tfollowmyadvice.Byandby，shebeganfalling behind her classmates in studies and became tired of having classes. What’s worse，she didn’t do her homework. In the end，she did poorly in her lessons. As a result，she even failed to be admitted to a senior high school.

Therefore，I think we should learn the lesson from herandnotgetinloveatanearlyagebecausepuppylove isharmfultoourhealthaswellastoourlearning.

（长沙县实验中学罗怡娜）

【名师点评】

本文以学生早恋为题材，对具体的事实进行叙述，内容具体、真实，避免空洞的说教，很有说服力和教育意义。

文章先写结果，然后写过程，最后写作者对此事的看法和感想。文脉清晰，语言流畅，结构合理。特别是用一个疑问句“As a good girl like her，why is the result like that”，很好地吸引了读者的兴趣和注意力。

此外，文章还在以下两个方面做得较好：

一是句型多样化，如非限制性定语从句which irrigated her parents greatly as well as confused some teachers and her classmates，并列句及宾语从句everyone liked her，and the teachers all thought that she wouldbeagirl of greatpromise，宾语从句和原因状语从句I thinkweshouldlearn thelesson from her and not get in love at an early age because puppy love is harmful toourhealthaswellastoourlearning等。

二是词汇、短语使用得体，如高级词汇irrigated，confused，promise，nervous，persuade等；连接词really，therefore，however，what’s more，as well as，at first，but later，from then on，by and by，what’s worse，in theend，asaresult等。

不足之处：

小作者的英语功底不错，如果在动词时态方面注意一下就更好了。如根据文章内容，事情是指过去的事情，结果也应该是过去的结果，于是whyisthe result like that中的is应改为was。同样，第三段的she cannotbutacceptoneasherboyfriend中的cannot应改为couldn’t。

（指导老师刘松）

（二）

假如你叫李华，你和笔友Jane互寄了全家的合影。Jane看了合影后，来信问为什么你没有兄弟姐妹。请用英语写一封不少于120词的回信说明情况。

要点提示：

1.简述没有兄弟姐妹的原因（至少介绍两点）；

2.谈谈本人对没有兄弟姐妹的看法（优、缺点）。

注意：

1.可适当增加细节使行文连贯；2.词数不少于120个；3.开头已给出，不计入总词数。

参考词汇：计划生育（family planning program）独生子女（theonlychild）DearJane，

Thankyouforyourletterandthephotoofyourfamily.NowIamwritingtotellyouwhyIamtheonlychildin myfamily.

学生习作1：

DearJane，

Thankyouforyourletterandthephotoofyourfamily.NowIamwritingtotellyouwhyIamtheonlychildin myfamily.

Firstly，because of thepolicy called“family planning program”of our country，each family can only have one child. What’s more，the other reason why I’m the only child is that my family was poor when I was born so thatmyparentscouldn’tsupportmorechildren.

Iholdsomeviewsaboutthesituationaboutchildren withoutbrothersor sisters.Theobviousadvantage isthat we can receive the whole love from our parents. However，ourchildhoodmaybelonelybecausewehavenocompanions to play with. Even some of us have developed badcharactersuchasbeingselfishandcoldtoothers.

Infact，althoughI’mgladtobetheonlychildinmy family，I still want to have brothers or sisters. Now can youunderstandwhyI’mtheonlychildinmyfamily？

Yours，

LiHua

（湖南师大附中邓亦婕）

【名师点评】

小作者的逻辑思维能力很强，思维的缜密度很高，能恰如其分地陈述事实、表明观点。

小作者的语言表达能力较强，能运用多种从句和较为复杂的句式，尤其是文末疑问句的使用，体现小作者的调皮、风趣，感染力极强。

关联词的运用恰到好处，尤其是副词的运用得心应手，如firstly，however，even，still等。

学生习作2：

DearJane，

Thank you for your letter and the photo of your family. Now I am writing to tell you why I am the only childinmyfamily.

As we all know，China is a powerful country with the largest population in the world. However，the large populationdoesbafflethedevelopment of economy.Asa result of this，China carries out the family planning program，demanding that each family should only have onechild.

Theotherreasonisthatmyfamilyisnotrichenough to bring up two or more children. So I become the only childinmyfamily.

Concerning the fact that I have no brothers or sisiters，I feel ashamed. I have lost a lot of joy in my childhood.Butontheotherhand，Igetallofmyparents’love.SoI’mstillaluckybird.

Yours，

LiHua

（湖南师大附中彭忻乐）

【名师点评】

文章层次清楚，写作目的明确。

小作者能熟练运用多种结构表达个人观点，短短的一篇文章中，用到多种写作技巧，如：with the largest populationintheworld作后置定语，现在分词短语demanding that each family should only have one child作补充说明性状语，concerning the fact...作原因状语等。表语从句（that my family is not rich enough tobringuptwoormorechildren）以及同位语从句（thatIhavenobrothersorsisters）都运用得不错。

文章最后一句“So I’m still a lucky bird”体现出作者洒脱的文笔，洋溢着乐观向上的精神，给读者以耳目一新之感。

（指导老师邓云浩）

（责任编校彭益）