学生习作点评两则

[习作题目]

根据提示，写一篇意思连贯，符合逻辑的短文，字数在70词左右。

①昨天晚上我和爸爸出去散步。

②在路上遇见了一个外国人，他说需要帮助。

③他向我询问去枣庄饭店的路。

④我告诉他沿着路往前走，在第三个拐弯处向左转就能看到枣庄饭店。

⑤他非常感谢我，他认为我对他很友好，我也为能帮助他而感到高兴。

[学生原作]

Yesterday evening， I go① out for a walk with my dad. On the road， we met aforeigner. Hesaid he need② help.Heasked us the way to theZaozhuang Hotel. I told him to walk along the road and take the third turning turn left③， then he could see the hotel. He said I was friendly for④ him. He thanked me very much for my help. I was happy that I can ⑤help him.

本文要点齐全, 语意连贯，逻辑性强，语句基本通顺，但也出现了一些间接引语和词汇用法上的错误。希望小作者以后更加努力，提高写作能力。下面是需要改正的地方：

[老师评述]

①yesterday是过去的时间，故动词要用过去式，go要改为went。

②在间接引语中，主句是过去时，从句的谓语动词要用相应的过去时态，故need要改为needed。

③本句中已有谓语动词，此处应用介词短语修饰turning，所以turn left要改为on the left。

④表示“对某人友好”用“be friendly to sb.”，故for要改为to。

⑤在复合句中，主句是过去时， 从句也要用相应的过去时态（如若表述的是真理、自然现象除外），所以can要改为could。

[习作题目一]

假若你们班要开一个英语晚会，请你帮助老师写一份参加晚会的要求，明确同学们可以做什么，不可以做什么。

[学生原作]

English Party Rules

Don’t bring friends from other classes. If you do， the teacher asks① them to leave. Please put on② your own beautiful clothes! Don’t run or shout to each other at the party. If you will do ③， the teacher will be unhappy. Please don’t be late for the party. If you have important something ④to do， you should ask for leaving. We hope we’ll have a good time.

English Party Rules

[老师述评]

小作者使用了祈使句和if引导的条件状语从句，能够发挥想象，逻辑性较强，但也出现了一些语法和词汇方面的错误。

①老师会让他们离开，是一个将要发生的动作，所以要用将来时，故asks要改为will ask。

②put on强调“穿”的动作，wear才是表示“穿”的状态。故put on要改为wear。

③在条件状语从句中，主句用将来时，从句用一般现在时表将来，所以if you will do要改为if you do。

④当形容词修饰不定代词something， anything, nothing等时，形容词要后置，故important something要改为something important。

[练习]

我们的父母都希望我们把时间用在学习上，请你根据提示将昨天下午放学后发生的事情和你的想法用英语表述出来。60―70词左右。注意直接引语和间接引语的使用。

提示：①我想帮助妈妈扫地，她不让，让我读书。

②我看电视，爸爸不让看，让我学习。

Yesterday afternoon, I went home after school._______________________________

_______________________________

[参考范文]

Yesterday afternoon, I went home after school. I wanted to help my mum to sweep the floor, but she said that I shouldn’t do it. I should do some reading. Later when I was watching TV, my dad came and turned off the TV, and said,“You shouldn’t waste your time, you should study your lessons.” I wonder if I should spend all the time on my studies. There are a lot of other things for me to learn, too. What shall I do?