中国母亲的热烈拥抱

A Chinese-Canadian girl and her aunt, who married a Chinese man, reflect on being part of two cultures.

一位中国血统的加拿大姑娘和她与一位中国人结婚的姑妈反映出了两种文化。

[1]I got to know my husband, Herb, mostly through letters. It was a courtship of words―deep and sweet―and one that grew quietly over two winters. We hadn’t seen each other for two years since our first meeting, but when we did, our love blossomed quickly, and within three months we were married.

[2]Although my friends and family knew little about the whole emerging relationship, they embraced us quickly. But it wasn’t until the night before the wedding that I met any of Herb’s family.

[3]In the weeks leading up to our wedding day, though, he had begun to prepare me. I hadn’t really thought about the culture of Herb’s family or background, but it was beginning to dawn on me: Chinese-Canadian, with a bit more emphasis on the Chinese part.

[4]When Herb called late one night to see if I would change the wedding date to a Monday because his mum had told him it was a “lucky day,” I knew I had to quickly get my bearings.

[5]My answers came in deep silence that night―no specifics really, just an assurance that everything would be OK.

[6]From that point on, I no longer felt afraid to meet Herb’s mother.

[7]The night before our wedding (a Sunday), we drove to their hotel for me to meet his family.

[8]When we arrived, his sister, Wendy, opened the door, and from across the room came his mother, five feet tall, in an all-out sprint, arms open wide―running to embrace me.

[9]It has taken me a while to feel at home in Chinatown as a non-Chinese woman.

[10]Herb’s mum runs interference for me over dim sum―choosing food she knows I will like.

[11]My brother-in-law Mike, and I joke over who will be the first to try the chicken feet.

[12]We all watch with joy and bemusement over how tenaciously Herb’s mum fights to pay the bill. It is a matter of both love and honor for her. She is a matriarch in the most generous sense of the word: She loves her family, and she has an uncanny sense of understanding―fueled by a heart of compassion.

[13]I’ve learned a great deal from this Chinese-Canadian family. While emotions are kept somewhat at bay, feelings run deep―heightened by stoicism and restraint. It has taught me steadiness and discipline, poise and strength borne of fidelity, and how to live a life without apology or complaint―all of which, for me, translates into palpable love.

[1]我主要是通过书信逐渐认识了我的丈夫赫伯。这是恋爱时期的语言――深沉甜蜜――是经过两个冬天才静悄悄培养起来的。自从我们第一次见面后我们有两年没有见面，但当我们再相见的时候，我们的爱情迅速开花，不到三个月我们结婚了。

[2]虽然我的朋友和家人对整个浮现出来的关系知之甚少，但他们迅速接受我们。然而直到我们婚礼前的那天晚上我才与赫伯的家人见面。

[3]直到我们准备婚礼的数星期内，他开始为我做准备。我的确没有考虑赫伯的家人和文化背景，但它还是开始引起我的注意：他们是稍微偏向中国文化的中国血统的加拿大人。

[4]赫伯有一天晚上很晚打电话问我是否能够将婚礼日期变为星期一，因为他的母亲告诉他那天是一个“好日子”，我知道我必须马上做出响应。

[5]那天晚上我在深深的沉默中做出回答――并没有什么特别，只是希望一切都顺利而已。

[6]从这件事情开始，我不再对面见赫伯的妈妈感到恐惧。

[7]在我们婚礼前的那天晚上（一个周日），我们驱车到达了他们居住的宾馆与他的家人见面。

[8]当我们到达时，他的姐姐温迪打开了门，从房间中走出他的妈妈，她身高5英尺，猛一下子冲出来，张开双臂――跑过来拥抱我。

[9]作为一名非中国血统的女性，过了一会儿我才开始有了宾至如归的感觉。

[10]赫伯的妈妈跑过来为我拿点心――选择她认为我会喜欢的食物。

[11]我的内兄迈克和我开玩笑，看谁会第一个吃鸡爪。

[12]我们都开心发呆地看着赫伯的妈妈如何要强地争着去结账。对她来说这是一种爱，也是一种荣誉。她是一位高雅的母亲，可以用最慷慨的词汇形容她：她爱家人，她拥有一种神秘的理解能力――这一切都源自内心的激情。

[13]从这个中国血统的加拿大家庭中我学习到很多东西。当情感受到一定牵制的时候，感情就会变得深沉――由于淡泊和克制而得到提升。它使我学习到了坚定和守纪、镇静和来源于忠实的力量以及如何没有愧悔和抱怨地去生活――对我来说，所有这一切都变成了可感觉到的关爱。