嘿,别在自恋了

Want to Make the World a Better Place？

Stop Obsessing over Yourself

我们经常会发现，生活中的那些大难题，其解决方案并不是迷恋自己的生活、专注自己的目标、执着于让我们工作到筋疲力尽的繁忙时间表，而是在于自我之外，在于人与人之间的联系。

I am a busy person. I’m an attorney， a blogger， a children’s book author， a writing consultant， an entrepreneur， and a regular volunteer at my church. Having moved to Los Angeles from the east coast recently， I often wake up to1） hundreds of texts and emails. Like many of you， I’m constantly on the go2）. When I do have free time， I fill it with lunches， brunches， and social activities.

I recently started a storytelling company called the Auditory Museum. We believe in the power of shared experiences. As part of our mission， we’re committed to using personal stories as a vehicle for social change. Last week， I flew back to the east coast for a friend’s wedding. After the wedding， I had a few hours to kill before my red-eye flight3） back home. Like any good entrepreneur， I decided to sit in the hotel lobby at midnight with my laptop and get some work done.

While crafting an email about the importance of storytelling， I was interrupted by a gentleman who was curious as to what I was working on. He smiled at me and asked me what I was doing. Annoyed that I had lost my train of thought， I gave him a fake smile and explained that I was “working.” I then went back to crafting my email. “We live in a culture of moments and milestones4） ...”

Unsatisfied with my icy response to his question， the overly inquisitive gentleman sat down next to me in the hotel lobby. “Why are you working at midnight？ What do you do？ Where are you from？ What’s your story？” Now， at this point， the irony was not lost on me. I was so consumed with my task that I had prioritized sending a non-pressing email over the opportunity to engage in conversation.

I closed my laptop and smiled. I told the gentleman about my company， my passion for storytelling， and my desire to create social change through the sharing of personal experiences. He began to tell me his life story. He talked to me about his children. We talked about how his father had never been a part of his life growing up， and how that had led to insecurities he was now forced to deal with in his relationship with his own children. He told me about his careeraspirations5）， and his experience growing up in a poor， all-black neighborhood. One hour later， he thanked me for my time， wished me luck with all of my endeavors， and walked away.

That night I learned a very valuable lesson. We live in a generation obsessed with self―self improvement， self help， self development， etc. Even in our most philanthropic moments， we look for opportunities to put ourselves in the center of the experience. It’s become cool to go on service trips， do lots of self-reflecting， and post Facebook statuses about how the experience has changed our lives.

I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with focusing on ourselves. In fact， it’s arguably necessary for personal growth. However， self obsession is socially and politically destructive. Having gone on mission trips6）， I can attest to the fact that serving is definitely life changing. But when we begin to prioritize our own self-growth over creating social change， we lose sight of the bigger picture. The inability to care about people and issues that don’t directly affect us has contributed to the extremely hostile， polarized political climate in our country that has defined much of the last decade.

Today， I challenge all of you to identify ways in which you can shift the focus from yourself to someone else in various areas of your life. Pay close attention to the moments and milestones in your life that present opportunities for you to personally invest in other people. Trying to create better eating habits for yourself？ Cook a health conscious meal for a friend. Having a good day？ Try taking off your headphones during your evening commute on the train， and spark a conversation with the person sitting next to you. If you can’t muster up7） enough courage to talk to people， smile at people. Did you know that smiling is contagious8）， and scientifically proven to reduce stress and improve health？

If you want to make the world a better place， stop obsessing over yourself. Ironically， in focusing on others， you may find that the greatest sense of self-fulfillment follows altruistic9） behavior. Instead of obsessing over our lives， our goals， and our busy schedules as we work toward burnout， we can often find the answer to life’s greatest problems outside of ourselves， in human connection.

我是个大忙人。我身兼数职：律师、博主、童书作家、写作顾问、企业家以及教堂的定期志愿者。我最近从东海岸搬到了洛杉矶，经常发现收到数以百计的短信和电子邮件。像很多人那样，我总是忙个不停。当我的确有空时，我的时间又被午餐、早午餐以及社交活动填满。

我最近成立了一家讲故事公司，叫做“听觉博物馆”。我们相信分享经历带来的力量。我们的一项使命是，致力于运用个人故事为手段来促进社会变化。上周（编者注：英文原文发表于2016年8月31日），我飞回东海岸，去参加一位朋友的婚礼。婚礼结束后，在搭乘红眼航班回家之前，我还有几个小时的时间可以消磨。就像任何优秀的企业家那样，我决定半夜坐在宾馆大厅，用我的笔记本电脑完成一些工作。

我在写一封邮件，阐述讲故事的重要性，这时一位先生打断了我，他好奇我在忙什么。他冲我微笑，问我在做什么。我的思路被打乱，有些恼怒，于是假装对他笑笑，解释说我正在“工作”。然后我继续写邮件。“我们生活在一个看重各种时刻与里程碑的文化中……”

这位偏爱刨根问底的先生对我这种冷冰冰的回答并不满意，于是他挨着我在宾馆大堂坐下。“你为什么半夜还在工作？你是干什么的？你从哪里来？你有怎样的经历？”这时，就在此刻，我觉察到了讽刺的意味。我过于专注自己的任务，太看重发送一封并不紧急的电子邮件，却看轻了与他人交谈的机会。

我合上了笔记本电脑并露出微笑。我对这位先生讲述了我的公司、我对讲故事的热爱，以及我想通过分享个人经历推动社会变化的愿望。他开始给我讲他的人生故事。他向我谈到他的孩子。我们聊到了他的父亲，父亲在他的成长过程中一直缺席，而这导致他总是有不安全感，如今在处理自己与孩子的关系时，他被迫要应对这种不安全感。他向我讲述了他在事业上的志向，讲述了他在贫困的全黑人社区长大的经历。一小时后，他感谢我花时间和他聊天，祝我心想事成，然后就走了。

那天晚上，我学到了非常珍贵的一课。我们所生活的这个时代迷恋自我――自我完善、自助自立、自我发展等等。即便是我们最乐于助人的时刻，我们也寻找机会让自己成为这种经历的核心。踏上志愿者服务之旅，进行大量自省，并在脸书上发表状态讲述这种经历如何改变了自己的生活――这些如今成为一种时髦。

我觉得专注于自己并没有什么“错”。事实上，可以说这对于个人成长是必要的。但是，无论从社会角度还是政治角度来看，自我迷恋都具有破坏性。我曾多次进行宣教旅行，我能证明服务社会的确会改变人生。但是，如果我们更看重的是我们自己的自我成长，而非促成社会变化，那我们就只见树木不见森林。我们不关心不直接影响自己的人和事，这已导致我们的国家出现了极度对抗、两极分化的政治氛围，过去十年间大抵如此。

今天，我向大家提议，请你确定，在自己生活的方方面面中，你可以通过哪些方式将关注点从自身转移到其他人身上。在你的生活中，有些特定时刻与里程碑能为你提供亲自为他人贡献的机会，请密切关注这样的时刻与里程碑。试图让自己养成更好的餐饮习惯？请为朋友做一顿健康餐。今天过得不错？傍晚在列车上通勤时试着摘下耳机，与坐在旁边的人开启一段对话。你如果无法鼓足勇气与他人聊天，那就对他们微笑。你知道吗？微笑具有感染性，而且科学研究证明，微笑能够降低压力、改善健康。

如果你想要让世界变得更美好，请不要再迷恋自我。出乎意料的是，如果你把重点放在他人身上，你会发现无私的利他行为会带来无与伦比的自我满足感。我们经常会发现，生活中的那些大难题，其解决方案并不是迷恋自己的生活、专注自己的目标、执着于让我们工作到筋疲力尽的繁忙时间表，而是在于自我之外，在于人与人之间的联系。

6. mission trip：宣教旅行，指基督教徒进行以宣传教旨为目的的短期旅行。

7. muster up：鼓起（勇气等）

8. contagious [k?n?te?d??s] adj. （情绪等）感染性的；会蔓延开的

9. altruistic [??ltru??st?k] adj. 利他主义的；利他的，无私的