我的生活我做主

刘 鹏、朱一童 译

你可曾这样想过――生活教给我的是严酷的教训，留下的是难以治愈的伤痕。本文能够帮助你从过去的经历中学习有益经验，而不是让过去的经历左右你的未来。

Do you ever find yourself thinking, “Life has taught me some tough lessons, and the scars do not heal easily.” This article can help you learn valuable lessons from the past, instead of allowing the past to determine your future.

The quality of the life we live is based upon the learning we derive from our experiences. I know that for myself, it is sometimes easy to feel that “Life has taught me some tough lessons, and the scars do not heal easily.” When I find myself thinking like this it means that I have fallen into the trap of believing that “It is ‘only natural’ that an ‘X’ type event or relationship, will lead to a ‘Y’ type response.” At other times it becomes apparent that if I had somehow learned something different from a particular challenging situation, the quality of my life would be much more rewarding.

In working with a client struggling with alcoholism, we spent our first session with the client telling me in detail how he had come to live such an unhealthy debilitating life. In short he said: “Both my parents were alcoholics, and both of them were physically abusive to me. I grew up never knowing what bad things would happen next. I learned from my parents that the best way to not have to feel the pain and uncertainty of life was to escape into an altered state of alcohol induced euphoria.” When listening to a client tell such a sad story, it is easy to believe that their situation was all but preordained.

As fate would have it, a week after beginning to work with this client, I went to a business luncheon to hear an inspirational speaker discuss how we can live our life fully, and succeed in times of hardship. Indeed, the speaker was truly inspirational. When the talk was over I waited around to thank him.

After introducing myself and thanking him, I asked him how he had come to lead such an exemplary life. He looked around to make sure no one else was listening and in a low voice he said the following: “Both my parents were alcoholics, and both of them were physically abusive to me. I grew up never knowing what bad things would happen next. I learned from my parents that the worst possible way to deal with the pain and uncertainty of life was to escape into an altered state of alcohol induced euphoria. My parents taught me a difficult but very important lesson. I learned from them that staying present in the moment is the only real chance we have for living a fulfilling life.”

What a truly great example of embodied spirit the motivational speaker offers us. The quality of our life is not dependent on the circumstances we encounter. The quality of our life is dependent on what we learn from the circumstances we encounter. Perhaps the greatest example of this wisdom is present in the life of Nelson Mandela. He is a man that suffered great pain and hardship, and somehow his suffering seasoned his soul in a way that has led him to be compassionate and caring.

In the course of exploring how to live our life more fully we can consider pondering one question over and over again, “What can I learn from the difficulties I am experiencing, that will actually ADD to the quality of my life?” At the very least we can begin to entertain the fact that: We can derive a wide range of learning from any single circumstance, event, or relationship. When we get the most stuck in life is when we believe that the one thing we did learn is the only thing that can be learned.

生活的品质取决于我们从自己的人生经历中获得多少知识。我深知自己有时候很容易产生这样的感觉：“生活教给我的是严酷的教训，留下的是难以治愈的伤痕。”每当发现自己这样想，意味着我已经坠入陷阱――相信“‘X’类型事件或关系引起‘Y’类型反应是‘天经地义’的”。如果通过努力能够从艰苦的环境中学到一些不一样的东西，我的人生肯定会受益匪浅。

我曾经与一位同酒精中毒作斗争的客户合作，第一次开会我们请这位客户详细地讲一讲他怎么会过上如此不健康的颓废生活。他简略地说：“我父母都是酒鬼，他们两个经常对我拳打脚踢。从小到大，我从来不知道接下来还会有什么坏事发生。我从父母那儿学会了，不会觉得生活痛苦和无常的最好方法是躲进酒精引起的扭曲的精神愉悦状态。”听完客户讲述的这个令人沮丧的故事，很容易相信他的境遇是命中注定的。

就像命运安排好的一样，在开始与这位客户合作一个星期后，我参加了一次商务午宴，聆听了一位令人鼓舞的演说者谈论我们怎样才能活得充实，怎样在困境中取得成功。他的演讲的确让人很受启发。演讲结束后，我特意留下来对他表示感谢。

做完自我介绍并表示感谢后，我问他是怎么过上这种值得效仿的生活。他环顾四周，确信没有旁人，然后小声地说出下面这些话：“我的父母都是酒鬼，他们两个经常对我拳打脚踢。从小到大，我从来不知道接下来还会有什么坏事发生。我从父母那儿学会了，应对生活的痛苦和无常最糟糕的方法是躲进酒精引起的扭曲的精神愉悦状态。父母教给我很痛苦却非常重要的一课，我从他们身上学会：珍惜现在、把握现在才是过上美满生活的唯一机会。”

这位富有激情的演说者为我们讲述的这个令人鼓舞的例子真是太棒了。生活的品质并非取决于我们遇到的境况，而是取决于我们从中学到了什么。或许纳尔逊•曼德拉的一生是体现这一智慧的最好例子。曼德拉遭受过巨大的痛苦和磨难，然而苦难让他的心灵愈加成熟，更加富有同情心和爱心。

在探索怎样生活才更有意义的过程中，我们可以反复思考一个问题：“我能从苦难中学到哪些能够提升生活品质的东西？”至少我们可以开始接受这样的事实：任何一种境况、事件或关系都能让我们受益颇多。在生活中最艰难的时刻，我们要相信我们从苦难中学到的东西正是我们应该学习的东西。

（责编：张楚武）