纸杯 第12期

一天晚上,我正坐在厨房里,隐隐约约听到我的两个孩子――15岁的哥哥汤米和12岁的弟弟凯文在打斗。我没注意到后来凯文冲到楼上去的时候,脸上还带着伤。

大约20分钟以后,我上楼时听到了凯文在浴室里嚎啕大哭。我努力克制自己,没有用责备的语气对他说:“够了,凯文,别那么小孩子气!”而是敲了敲门然后关切地对他说:“嘿,凯文,想跟妈妈说说话吗?”但是,里边没有回应。

我又试了一次,“嘿,凯文,你出来吧!”这次里面依然没有回应。

于是,环顾四周,我找到了一沓索引卡片纸和一支铅笔,然后对凯文写道:“如果你不想说话,那咱们可以写纸条。”

一个小时后,我还在浴室的地板上坐着,前面放着两沓的卡片纸。其中一沓纸是空白的,另一沓全是凯文写给我的,上面写满了表达他悲伤烦恼心情的文字。此时此刻,无论是有多么重要的电话,还是楼下有德奥森多精彩的克里克表演,我都不在乎。当我看到凯文写的其中一张卡片时,忍不住热泪盈眶。他在卡片上这样写道:“在这个家里,从来没有人在乎过我。我不是最大,也不是最小,也不是最聪明。汤米觉得我是一个草包,爸爸也希望我还是那个小时候的凯文,因为小时候的凯文篮球打得更好,还有你甚至从未主动正眼看过我。”

我一边给凯文写回信,一边流泪。我是常常忽略他,他说的都是事实啊!回信中我写道:“凯文,你知道吗?我真的很爱你!我很抱歉从没有让你感受到过我的爱。凯文,妈妈会永远陪在你的身边,在这个家里,爸爸妈妈都很爱你!”

他好一会儿没有回应,但不久我就听到了从浴室里面传来的撕东西的声音。原来,凯文把卡片纸用完了,把一个纸质杯子撕开了,之后在上面写下了两个字:“谢谢!”

我写道:“谢什么?”他回复:“谢谢你的爱!”从那以后,我总是尽量不再让类似的事情发生。现在,凯文和我也比以前更亲密了。每当我们看到对方烦心时,都会笑着对对方说:“把你的心情写在纸杯子上吧!”

One night I was sitting in my kitchen half-listening as my 15 year-old brother Tommy antagonized1 my 12 year-old brother Kevin. I didn't pay attention when Kevin charged up the stairs with the hurt on his face.

About 20 minutes later, as I was walking upstairs I heard Kevin crying inside the bathroom. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying, "Come on Kev, don't be such a baby." Instead, I knocked on the door and asked, "Hey Kev, do you wanna talk?"

No response.

I tried again, "Hey why don't you come out of there?" Again, no response.

So, joking around, I grabbed a stack2 of index3 cards and a pencil and wrote, "If you don't want to talk, we can write notes to each other."

An hour later I was still sitting on the floor outside the bathroom with two stacks of index cards in front of me. One was blank and one was cards from Kevin on which he had translated all his yucky4 feelings into words for me. By this time, I don't care about the rings of my precious phone and Dawson's Creek show downstairs. As I read one of Kevin's notes, tears came to my eyes. It said, "Nobody in this family cares about me. I'm not the youngest, and I'm not the oldest, and I'm not talented. Tommy thinks I'm a wuss5 and Dad wishes he had the other Kevin as a kid because he's better at basketball. And you're never around to even notice me."

Tears came to my eyes as I wrote back to him. It was true what he had said about me. I wrote back, "You know Kev, I really do love you and I'm sorry I don't always show it. I am here for you and you are loved in this family."

There was no response for a while, but then I heard a tearing sound coming from inside the bathroom. Kevin, who had run out of index cards wrote on a torn up paper cup, "Thanks."

I wrote back "For what?" It returned to me with "Loving me" written on it. Since then, I try my best to never only half-notice my family members anymore. Kevin and I have a closer relationship now, and sometimes when one of us notices that the other is upset we'll smile and say "Write it on a paper cup."