时间：2022-03-08 12:21:27
江苏的Margaret：
Rudi你好，我下个月就要去英国和我的未婚夫尼尔结婚了。和自己心爱的人生活在一起我很高兴，但我真的不知道西方人对娶中国人持怎样的态度，以及他的父母和亲戚会如何对待我。我懂一点儿英语，但我担心那还不够，况且我也从未出过国。你能给我讲讲在西方，人们对一个即将嫁到那里的中国人会有何反应，以及与他的父母和亲戚相处都该注意些什么问题吗？
Paul：
首先要向你表示祝贺！你就要开始人生中最重要的一个阶段了，希望那也是你最幸福的阶段。外国人对婚姻的态度各不相同，本期《Ask Rudi》栏目，我就试着回答你提出的这个问题。希望会对你，也对其他有着相同疑问的读者朋友有所帮助。
Arriving in the West
It is likely that all your new, or soon-to-be relatives will be bursting at the chance of meeting you, so try and prepare yourself when you step off the plane at the airport for what may be a bit of a daunting experience. However, if you think this might be too much for you just having arrived in such a new place, you could ①have a word with your fiancé in advance and maybe have him arrange it so that only the closest relatives are there to meet you. This may be just his parents and brothers or sisters, and will without a doubt be less nerve-wracking than pushing your suitcases towards a huge grinning crowd of people.
Don't forget, this will be a new experience for his relatives too, and they will probably be feeling a little edgy and uncertain. What is certain, however, is that you will be greeted very warmly by them all. Be warned that in this kind of situation, Western people will normally be more tactile than Chinese - the male relatives may all want to shake your hand, and it would not be unusual, especially considering if you will be their daughter-in-law, for the females to lightly embrace you and kiss your cheek. Don't be offended if this doesn't happen though, and they simply all smile or even shake your hand - they will be wondering how to react properly themselves.
Next, no doubt, will be the journey home from the airport. At this stage, to be polite, there is nothing specific to worry about having to do. It would be best to relax and ②try out your English by making polite conversation, and your new companions will surely be able to think of endless questions to ask you if you can't think of anything to say. In this way, Western people can be similar to Chinese people in their curiosity, and will perhaps ask you questions you may find a little intrusive - because they may assume that as you will soon be part of the family, they think they can ask personal questions. Having said this, it is improbable you will be compelled to answer, and if no-one intervenes to help, just smile and say you don't really understand.
Meeting New Relatives
In the time before the wedding you will probably just be given the chance to try and adjust to your new surroundings, but will doubtless meet more relatives either at family gatherings or by chance. If some friends were 'just in the area' and so thought they might 'pop in for a minute or so for a cup of tea' with the express purpose of catching a glimpse of you, they are only behaving the same as they would if their son or nephew were marrying a Western girl whom they had never met.
At the Wedding
The actual wedding and reception will be the time where you will meet all the relatives and friends of the family and, doubtless of their attitudes, you will, as the bride, be treated with respect. However, you may come across some relatives who are a little 'worse for wear', especially at the reception, and who may make some slightly inappropriate comments about your being Chinese. These comments are most likely to take the form of an English joke about Chinese people, of which the crux will, more often than not, rest on some English pun on Chinese pronunciation of English. Try to ③laugh this kind of thing off - as it will certainly not be the last you will hear in this country, and even so, you are unlikely to understand it. Again, the polite smile is usually enough to subdue any 'slightly too jovial' guest, whose head will be aching in the morning and will probably be regretting recounting this 'hilarious' joke.
Adjusting to Long Term Living in the UK
After the excitement of the wedding, and you have ④gathered yourself together after the exhausting task of playing a host in a strange country and meeting your new family (hopefully you will have a relaxing honeymoon to recover from all this), the next task is to adjust to longer term living in the UK, getting used to the attitudes of the normal people who you see on the street and meet everyday. The best opportunity to meet new people and make friends is usually to find a job, but if this is not possible you could join a club or society.
Living in a City
Attitudes towards you and how difficult you find it to forge new friendships will differ in relation to where you live in the UK. In large cities such as London and Manchester, the population is so multicultural that people will hardly bat an eyelid at you in the street. While this may be comforting at first, and you won't feel like you stick out like a sore thumb, cities can be very anonymous places and so it may be harder to make your own friends. Despite this disadvantage, you can be sure of meeting people eventually and won't have to worry about provincial attitudes towards your being foreign. There is always the local Chinese community, which I will mention later in the reply.
Living in a Smaller Town or Village
People often say that the smaller the place, the more friendly the residents are. Whilst this may contain an element of truth, there is the slight drawback that people in smaller places don't have such cosmopolitan attitudes as those in larger cities. This is not to say walking down the street of a small town in England you will attract stares - people all over the UK are more than used to seeing people of different ethnicities, and (as a woman) usually you can interpret the stare of a man as a compliment and a stare from a woman as maybe a hint of jealousy. Still, it's always best not to stare back at people. People in these smaller places are often more nosy, and (in small villages) may know of your arrival before you do, but should in the majority of cases be civil and friendly. In smaller places you may also find it easier to make friends, as you will ⑤bump into the same people in the same shops and start conversations, and maybe start chatting to familiar people on the street. Your ethnicity in a smaller place may attract the odd question, but usually nothing more.
Chinese Communities in the UK
In the late 1960's, a huge growth in the Chinese catering industry started by the first generation immigrants to Britain, led to a constant need for more workers. The Chinese who ran establishments in the UK found it cheaper for them to bring family members over to work for their businesses.
This means in every place in the UK you can find a Chinese restaurant and community - from the small village community to the massive Chinatowns of Manchester and London. If you feel ⑥cut off from your countrymen there is always this possibility, and if you wished you could immerse yourself completely back into a Chinese speaking world. Needless to say this is not recommended if you wish to get on with your family and relatives, and also very importantly, normal British people will not see this as an attempt to integrate into British life and culture - which is where problems with racism seem to often begin.
初到西方
有可能的是，你所有的新亲戚，或者说是准亲戚，会迫不及待地想要见到你，所以当你在机场下飞机的那一刻，就要试着为这个或许有些令人生畏的经历做好准备。然而，如果你认为这对初来乍到的你来说可能应付不了的话，那么你可以事先和你的未婚夫商量商量，或许就让他来安排一下，以便只让那些至亲之人在那里迎接你。这样一来，可能就只剩下他的父母和兄弟姐妹了，比起推着行李走向一大群咧着嘴笑的人来，定会少伤不少脑筋。
切记，对于他的亲戚来讲，这也是一次全新的体验，而且他们或许会感到有点儿局促不安。但可以确定的是，你将会受到他们所有人极其热情的欢迎。在这种情况下，要注意的是，与中国人相比，西方人通常（在动作上）更加亲昵――男性亲戚可能都想和你握手，而这并非是异乎寻常的，尤其是在考虑到你将成为其儿媳的情况下，而女性就会轻轻拥抱你并亲吻你的脸颊。但如果没有出现这种情况，而她们全都只是对你笑笑，甚至只是与你握握手，也不要感到不悦――她们本身是在考虑怎样才能得体地做出回应。
接下来，毫无疑问，就是从机场返家的途中了。这个时候，在出于礼貌必须要做什么的问题上，没有特别需要担心之处。最好就是放松，礼貌地交谈一下来练练你的英语，而如果你想不起来要说什么，你的新伙伴们肯定能够想出无数问题来问你。在这方面，就好奇心而言，西方人与中国人是相似的，可能会向你问一些令你觉得有点儿挖人隐私的问题――因为他们可能在想，你马上就要成为其家庭一员了，于是他们认为他们可以问你私人问题。说到这里，你是不可能被强迫回答问题的，如果没有人来解围，只要微笑着说你没有完全搞明白就可以了。
与新亲戚见面
在婚礼前的那段时间里，你可能就会得到一个机会去尝试适应你的新环境，但无论是在家庭聚会上还是偶然相遇，你肯定还是要与更多亲戚见面的。如果一些朋友“刚好就在（你家）附近”，因而认为他们可以“顺便过来坐一会儿喝杯茶”，而其目的明显就是要看看你，他们的做法和当他们得知其子或侄子（外甥）要和一个他们从未谋面的西方女孩结婚时的做法是完全相同的。
在婚礼上
在婚礼和婚宴举行之时，你将见到这个家庭的所有亲戚朋友，而无论他们（对你）持有何种看法，作为新娘的你一定会被以礼相待的。然而，你可能会碰到一些有点儿“喝多了”的亲戚，尤其是在婚宴上，这些人可能会因你是中国人而发表一些欠妥的言辞。这些言辞的形式最有可能就是与中国人有关的英语笑话，而笑料时常落在汉语发音在英语中所形成的英语双关语上。就试着对此类事情一笑而过吧――因为这肯定不会是你在该国听到的最后一个，即便如此，你很可能也听不明白。此外，礼貌的微笑通常足以使那些“稍显醉意”且会在（隔天）早上感到头疼并有可能后悔讲这个“搞笑”笑话的客人平静下来。
适应长期的英国生活
在婚礼的兴奋劲儿过后，以及在你从疲惫不堪地忙于在一个陌生国度中扮演主人的角色并与新家庭成员见面的事务中恢复过来之后（希望你会有一个轻松的蜜月来从这一切中恢复过来），下一项任务就是做好调整，以便在英国较长时间地生活下去，习惯那些你在街上遇到或每天都碰到的普通人的态度。认识新人并结交朋友的最好时机一般就是去找份工作，但如果这不可能的话，你可以参加一个俱乐部或社团。
生活在大城市
对待你的态度以及你构筑友谊的困难程度因你在英国居住地的不同而有所变化。在伦敦和曼彻斯特这样的大城市中，当地人有着多元的文化背景，因而在街上人们几乎不会对你大惊小怪。虽然这可能在最初是令人心慰的，而你也不会感到自己非常扎眼，但这些城市可能是异常淡漠之地，所以你可能更难交到朋友。尽管这是个劣势，但最终你肯定可以结识一些人的，而且不用担心自己是外国人就受到偏见。当地通常都是有华人团体的，我稍后会在文中提到。
在小城镇或村庄中生活
人们常说地方越小，居民就越友好。虽然这话可能有一定道理，但也有个小小的弊端，即小地方的人不像大城市的人那么见多识广。这并不是说你走在英国一个小镇的大街上会引来注目的目光――英国各地的人对不同种族的人早已是屡见不鲜，而（作为一位女性）你一般就可以认为男性的注视是恭维，女性的注视可能是有嫉妒的意味。尽管如此，最好始终不要回视对方。那些小地方的人常常更爱管闲事，（小村庄的人）可能在你没到之前就知道你要来了，但多数情况下应该是礼貌而友好的。在小地方，你可能还会发现交朋友更容易，因为你会在同样的商店里碰到同一些人并开始交谈，也许在街上就和常常见面的人聊了起来。在小地方，你的种族可能偶尔会引人发问，但通常也就如此了。
英国的华人团体
在20世纪60年代晚期，由第一代移民英国的人开办的华人餐饮业蓬勃发展，导致对工人的需求不断增长。那些在英国开办企业的中国人发现，将其家庭成员找来为他们的企业工作花费更低。
这就意味着在英国的每个地方你都能找到中国餐馆和华人团体――从小的村落社区到曼彻斯特和伦敦中规模宏大的唐人街。如果你觉得与你的同胞断了联系，这种可能总是会有的，而你愿意的话，你就可以让自己完全回归到华语世界中来。不必说，如果你想与你的家庭和亲戚相融洽相处的话，这种做法是不被提倡的，同样很重要的是，普通的英国人是不会将此视为你尝试融入英国生活和文化的表现――而这常常就是种族歧视问题的开始。
daunting /`d5ntiM/ adj.使人畏缩的
nerve-wracking /`n/v,r2kiM/ adj.非常伤脑筋的
grin /Grin/ v.露齿而笑
edgy /`e_i/ adj.紧张焦虑的
tactile /`t2ktail/ adj.触觉的
intrusive /in`tr6siv/ adj.打扰的
intervene /,int9`v1n/ vi.干预
express /iks`pres/ adj.明确的
reception /ri`sepH9n/ n.婚宴
crux /kr7ks/ n.症结
pun /p7n/ n.双关语
subdue /s7b`d(/ v.使平静
recount /ri`kaunt/ v.讲述
forge /f5_/ v.锻造
whilst /wailst/ adv.虽然；在……同时
cosmopolitan /,k4zm9`p4lit9n/ adj.见闻广大的
ethnicity /eF`nisiti/ n.种族划分
hint /hint/ n.迹象
nosy /`n9uzi/ adj.好打听别人事情的
civil /`sivl/ adj.有礼貌的
countrymen /`k7ntrimen/ n.同胞
immerse /i`m8s/ vt.沉浸；使陷入
① have a word with与……商谈
② try out练习
③ laugh off用笑摆脱
④ gather oneself together
恢复 ；打起精神来
⑤ bump into偶然碰见
⑥ cut off断绝
Links
1. 文中提到，当你与女性亲戚见面时，她们通常会轻轻拥抱你，然后亲亲你的脸颊。但如果她们只对你简单地笑笑，甚至与你握手，你也不要不高兴。可能大家会产生疑问：为什么握手反倒没有微笑显得亲密呢？原来在西方，只有在商务场合等少数几个情形下，女性之间才会握手，而朋友间微笑则是正常的，因此在女性之间握手要比微笑显得更为疏远。
2. 文中，在 “At the Wedding”一段中，用到了一些词组和词语：“worse for wear”、“slightly too jovial”和“hilarious”。其中，“worse for wear”是一种委婉的表达方式，意思是“喝醉了”；第二个短语中的“jovial”也是一种委婉的表达方式，意思也是“喝醉了”；而“hilarious”本意是“欢闹的”，在文中则被用来表达一种“讽刺”的意味。
3. 文中，在“Living in a City”一段中，用到了一个词组――“to stick out like a sore thumb”。其中，“stick out”是“伸出”的意思，“sore”是“肿胀”的意思，“thumb”是“大拇指”，所以字面意思就是“像一个肿胀的大拇指一样伸出来”。不难想象，这样的大拇指在五个手指当中是多么的显眼和引人注目，因此，整个词组就有了一层引申的意味――指那种不同寻常、引起别人注意的情况。