Fun Stuff

Funny Dialogue

这是在一家中国旅馆中发生的真实故事。

一个老外来到了一家旅馆。前台小姐左看右看，见大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就面带微笑地主动问好："Hello?"（你好？）

外国人： "Hi."（你好。）

前台小姐："You have what thing?" (你有什么事？)

外国人： "Can you speak English?" (你会讲英语吗？)

前台小姐： "If I not speak English, I am speaking what?" (如果我不会说，那我现在说的什么？)

外国人： "Can anybody else speak English?" (别人有谁能讲英语吗？)

前台小姐："You yourself look. All people are playing, no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go." (你自己看看。所有人都在玩呢，没人有空，你能等就等，不等就走。)

外国人： "Good heavens. Can anybody here speak English?" (上帝啊。这儿有谁会讲英语吗？)

前台小姐："Shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing?" (喊什么喊，安静点儿，你到底有什么事？)

外国人： "I want to speak to your head." (我想和你的领导谈谈。)

前台小姐："Head not zai. You tomorrow come." (头儿不在。你明天来吧。)

JOKES 开怀一笑

A New Baby

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mummy ate it!"

Woman on a Bus

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

一个新生儿

几星期以来，一个六岁的小孩一直向他的一年级老师讲述他家就要再添一个小弟弟或者小妹妹了。

一天，妈妈允许这个男孩来感受一下那个未出世的孩子的胎动。显然，这个六岁的小孩受到了震动，不过却没说什么。而且，他不再向他的老师提起这件即将发生的事情。

最后，老师把这个小男孩抱在膝盖上，问道：“汤米，你们家里即将出世的小弟弟或小妹妹怎么样了？”

汤米突然哭了起来，说出了实话：“我想是妈妈把它给吃了！”

公交车上的女人

一个女人抱着一个婴儿上了一辆公交车。

公交车司机说：“那是我见过的最丑的婴儿。”

这个女人怒气冲冲地把车费狠狠拍进收票箱，并在车尾附近的一个靠过道的座位上坐了下来。

坐在她旁边的男的感觉她情绪激动，便问她发生了什么事。

“这个公交车司机侮辱了我。”她愤怒地说。

这个男人同情地说道：“天啊，他是为公众服务的，不应该用言语侮辱乘客。”

“你说的没错，”她说，“我觉得我要再过去一趟告诉他我生气了。”

“好主意，”这个男人说道，“来，让我帮你抱着你的猴子吧。”

True Stories about Dumb Criminals

蠢贼趣事

In Kentucky, America, two men tried to pull the front panel off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

在美国的肯塔基州，有两个人试图通过拉动连在取款机和其小型敞蓬货车保险杠上的链条来将取款机上的面板拽下来。但是，面板没有拽下来，他们却把保险杠从其卡车上拽了下来。惊恐之下，他们就离开了现场，开车回家。而链条仍然系在取款机上；他们的保险杠还绑在链条上；其车牌照依旧挂在保险杠上。

England: A German "tourist", supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does - backwards! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

英国：一个好像是在进行高尔球休闲之旅的德国“游客”，带着他的高尔夫球包来到了海关。海关官员在和他随意聊着高尔夫球的时候，发现这名游客不明白什么是“差点”。这位海关官员要求这个游客做个挥杆示范，他照做了――方向却反了！结果在其高尔夫球包中发现了大量麻醉剂。