别把宝贝留在车里

2015年4月1日，上海一名家长将孩子遗忘在车里，等想起这事时孩子已失去意识;2015年6月27日，湘潭一名男童被父母遗忘在车里五小时，被发现时已经死亡。这样的事不仅发生在中国，据统计，此类事件在美国每年会发生15～25起……“把孩子单独留在车里”带来的安全隐患之大有目共睹。而作为路人，当你遇到孩子被单独锁在车里，该如何做？如果孩子此刻真的处于危险境地，你的积极行动将挽救孩子的生命，让一家人感恩;反之，你的热心帮忙则可能会被认为是小题大做，多管闲事，甚至陷家长于不利境地。这是个性命攸关的选择，也是一个两难的选择。

A few weeks ago， I came out of the grocery store on a hot sunny afternoon and stopped short1）. Two young kids， sisters it seemed， were sitting in the backseat of the car next to mine. The windows of the car were rolled up， the car was turned off， and no one was at the wheel2）.

I immediately did some quick math. I’d been in the store for just a few minutes， so I knew the kids hadn’t been there long. The girls， who looked to be about 12 and 9， didn’t look uncomfortable， though it was pretty hot out. But when I got into my own car， the air was stifling3）， and I thought I ought to at least wait to leave until I confirmed that the girls were OK.

Already I felt conflicted about my response. In general， I worry that my own children/kids these days are overprotected in the name of safety. And since the day a random old lady scolded me for not putting a hat on our infant daughter， I’ve strived not to be one of those busybodies4） telling other people they’re parenting wrong.

But there was still something jarring5） about seeing two kids alone in a car on a hot day. I remembered my one brush6） with heatstroke， when I didn’t realize how sick I was until I almost passed out7） in the middle of a Mexican market. A similar lack of recognition on the part of these girls could be fatal， as it is 15～25 times per year in America， and I’d be the passerby who did nothing.

I could think of plenty of reasons not to intervene， though. I didn’t have my kids with me， so I could easily see any overture8） being interpreted as a creep move. Anman， alone， trying to coax two girls out of their car―that could end badly for me. And indeed I have left my older daughter， who is 9， in the car for a few minutes as I ran into school to get my younger one. If I walked out and found some meddler9） trying to tell my daughter her health was in danger， I’d be pissed.

Still， it was hot. The sisters were both sweating. Ten minutes had gone by， and across the street， the bank’s time-and-temperature sign read 88 degrees.

So， what would you do？

On a recent episode of Slate10）’s parenting podcast Mom and Dad Are Fighting， I posed this question to my co-host， Allison Benedikt. She suggested she might stick around to make sure the kids were OK， but would not confront the parent in question when he or she inevitably returned. She also asserted that my solution to the problem in the moment was not good enough： I bought a huge bottle of water， got the kids’ attention， left it on their trunk， and drove away―sighing with relief when I saw anwoman walk up to the car seconds later， pick up the water bottle with a What the hell？ expression， and get in.

We got more listener emails about that segment than any we’ve done， and the feedback was almost unanimous： Why didn’t I call the police？ More damningly， why wasn’t calling the police even an option I considered？

In our next episode， we explored both sides of that question： Why calling the police might be the right thing to do， and why it might be sentencing a fit parent to a yearslong legal ordeal. We invited Tabitha Kelly， bureau chief of my county’s Department of Child and Family Services， to tell me what I ought to have done. She was blunt： “Bottom line， Dan， my recommendation is that if you ever see a child left unattended in a vehicle， call 911 immediately.”

Which is certainly the advice you would expect someone from a child protection agency to give： Let authorities and experts make the judgment calls11）―don’t make them on an ad hoc12） basis yourself. Weigh that advice， however， against the fate that befell Kim Brooks， a mother who wrote a thoughtful and chilling essay for Salon about being charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor13） when she left her 4-year-old in the car for five minutes on a cool day to quickly run an errand. （A passerby took a cellphone photo and called the police.）

Now， thousands of dollars of legal bills later （and a sentence of 100 hours of community service）， she’s not so convinced she did anything wrong―and she’s supported in this belief by the author Lenore Skenazy14） and her “free range kids” philosophy. The Free Range Kids website， dedicated to “fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps， kidnapping， germs， flashers， frustration， failure， baby snatchers， bugs， bullies， men， sleepovers and/or the perils of a non-organic grape，” is rife with15） horror stories of parents being confronted by police for， say， letting their kids play in the woods.

Surely there’s got to be a middle ground between doing nothing for kids who might be in danger and dropping a dime16）， as the “good Samaritan17）” in Brooks’ case did， on a parent whose kid was， in fact， totally fine. Perhaps the solution requires not being too chicken to confront parents （in a courteous way）， and， when a situation becomes dangerous， to swiftly and confidently call the police.

But what is dangerous？ A baby locked in a hot car demands immediate action. But beyond that obvious case， the actual danger that children are in during pretty much any scenario is pretty low. Those girls I saw in that car were more likely to suffer a heart attack than they were to be abducted by a stranger; they were dramatically more likely to be injured on the drive home than they were in the parking lot.

In the parking lot that day， I was fearful that those kids were in danger， but they weren’t， at least not yet. Sticking around for a while to keep an eye on them was an OK move on my part. Sticking around even longer to make sure they were not in danger would have been a better one. A quiet conversation with the mom when she appeared might or might not have been helpful; it surely would have annoyed her， but might have reminded her of the optics of her choice （and that next time， the observer might indeed call the cops）. But it’s hard to envision a scenario in which me calling the police would have accomplished anything positive.

I can say this， of course， because the mom came back. Had I waited 15 more minutes and no grown-up appeared―what should I have done then？ What would you do？

几周前（编注：英文原文发表于2014年6月），在一个烈日炎炎的下午，我刚走出杂货店就突然停下了脚步。我的车旁停着一辆车，车的后座上坐着两个孩子，看上去像是一对姐妹。那辆车车窗紧闭，已经熄火，驾驶座上没有人。

我立刻在脑海中盘算了一番。我在商店里只停留了几分钟，所以，我知道孩子们在车里待的时间还不长。那两个小女孩一个看上去12岁左右，另一个差不多9岁的样子。虽然室外十分炎热，但她们看上去并没有任何不适。可是，当我坐进自己的车里，觉得空气闷热得令人窒息。于是，我想我至少应该等到确认那两个小女孩没事后再离开。

对于自己的这种反应，我其实早就感到矛盾了。一般来说，我担心自己的孩子现在总是受到以安全为名的过度保护。曾经有一个陌生的老太太指责我没有给我那还是婴儿的女儿戴帽子，从那天开始，我就努力让自己不要像那些爱管闲事的人一样，到处告诉别人他们的育儿方法不对。

但是，在大热天里看到两个孩子独自待在车上还是令人感到不安。我还记得自己中暑的一次经历。当时我并没有意识到自己有多不舒服，直到后来我差点在一个墨西哥市场里晕倒。类似的认识不足对于这两个小女孩而言可能会产生致命的后果――此类事件每年在美国会发生15～25次――而我会是那个袖手旁观的路人。

然而，我可以想出很多不插手这件事的理由。当时，我没有带自己的孩子，所以不难预见，我的任何主动表示友好的行为都可能会被解读成令人发毛的举动。成年男子，孤身一人，试图哄诱两个小女孩走出她们的车――这会给我带来很糟糕的后果。而且，我也的确曾把自己九岁的大女儿独自留在车里待过几分钟，自己则跑进学校去接小女儿。如果我出来的时候，发现一个爱管闲事的人正试图告诉我女儿她的健康正遭受威胁，我应该会很愤怒。

但是天气太热了。姐妹俩都汗流浃背。十分钟过去了，街道对面银行门口的时间与温度牌上显示，气温已经达到了88华氏度（编注：约合31.1摄氏度）。

那么，你会怎么做？

在最近一期《石板》杂志的育儿播客《妈妈爸爸在争吵》中，我向我的搭档主持人艾莉森・贝尼迪克特提出了这个问题。她表示，她可能会在附近逗留一会儿，确保孩子们没事，但是在孩子的家长返回（这是必然的）后她不会当面质问他/她。她还认为我当时解决问题的做法不够好：我买了一大瓶水，吸引孩子们的注意，把水放在她们的后备箱上，然后开车离开。几秒种后，我看到有一位成年女士朝那辆车走去。她拿起那瓶水，脸上一副“搞什么鬼”的表情，然后上了车。那一刻，我松了一口气。

关于这期节目，我们收到的听众邮件比以往任何一期节目都多，并且反馈几乎是一致的：我为什么不报警呢？更令我难辞其咎的是，为什么我都没考虑过报警这个选项呢？

在后面的一期节目中，我们探讨了这个问题的正反两面：为什么报警可能是正确的选择以及为什么报警可能会导致一位合格的家长在数年内备受官司的折磨。我们邀请了塔比莎・凯莉――我所在县的儿童与家庭服务部的负责人――来告诉我当时应该怎么做。她直言不讳地表示：“丹，我的建议是你只要看到一个孩子被留在车里无人照看，就立刻拨打911。这是底线。”

这的确是你能预料到的来自儿童保护机构的人士所给出的建议：让权威人士和专家去做出本能的判断――不要在特定的情境下自己去作这样的判断。然而，我们将那条建议和金姆・布鲁克斯女士的遭遇来对比权衡一下看看。金姆是一位母亲，她给《沙龙》杂志撰写了一篇很有见地又骇人听闻的文章。文中讲到，她在天气凉爽的一天把自己四岁的孩子留在车里五分钟，然后自己迅速跑去办了点事，却因此被控危害儿童罪（一位路人用手机拍下照片并报了警）。

现在，在花费了上万美元的诉讼费（并收到了100个小时社区服务的判决）后，她仍然不觉得自己的行为有任何不妥之处。她的这个想法得到了作家莉诺・斯科纳兹及其“放养孩子”理念的支持。“放养孩子”网站致力于“同以下观念作斗争，那就是我们的孩子经常处于危险之中，这些危险来自变态、绑架、细菌、暴露狂、挫折、失败、拐骗婴儿的人贩子、病毒、欺凌、男人、在外过夜以及/或者非有机葡萄暗含的危险”。这个网站上充斥着可怕的故事，故事中的家长受到警察的质询，可能只是因为他们允许孩子们在森林中玩耍。

对于可能处于危险之中的孩子，在袖手旁观和报警（就像布鲁克斯案中的“好撒玛利亚人”做的那样，即使孩子事实上安然无恙，也要告发家长）之间，肯定还有折中方案。这一折中的解决方案或许需要当事人别太胆怯，敢于质问家长（以礼貌的方式），并在情况变得危险时迅速、确定地报警。

但是，什么才算是危险呢？婴儿被锁在一辆闷热的车里需要立即采取行动。但是除了这种明显的情况外，在大多数情形下，孩子们遭遇真正危险的概率非常小。我看到的那两个坐在车里的小女孩更有可能被热得心力衰竭而非被陌生人诱拐;与待在停车场相比，她们在开车回家的路上受伤的可能性要大得多。

那天在停车场，我害怕那两个孩子会有危险，但是她们没有，至少是当时还没有危险。对我来说，在附近逗留片刻密切留意她们是个不错的做法。在附近停留更久一些以确保她们没事可能是更好的选择。然而，在那位妈妈出现后和她心平气和地交流一番，这可能有用，也可能没用：这样做肯定会惹恼她，但也许可以提醒她这样做别人会如何看（并且提醒她下次路人看到可能真的会报警）。但是我很难想象我报警的话会起到任何积极的作用。

当然，我可以这么说，是因为那位妈妈回来了。如果我再等15分钟还是没有大人出现，那我该怎么办？换了你会怎么办？

1. stop short：突然停止

2. at the wheel：开车

3. stifling [?sta?f（?）l??] adj. 闷热的，令人窒息的

4. busybody [?b?zi?b?di] n. 爱管闲事的人

5. jarring [?d??r??] adj. 感到不快的，令人不安的

6. brush [br??] n. （不愉快之事等的）遭遇

7. pass out：昏倒，失去知觉

8. overture [???v?（r）?tj??（r）] n. （友好或求爱的）主动表示，姿态，提议

9. meddler [?medl?（r）] n. 爱管闲事的人

10. Slate：《石板》，美国知名网络杂志，1996年创刊，以时事新闻和艺术特写等内容而闻名。

11. judgment call：本能的判断

12. ad hoc [??d?h?k] adj. 特别的，特设的

13. contribute to the delinquency of a minor：致儿童于危险境地

14. Lenore Skenazy：莉诺・斯科纳兹，美国专栏作者、作家，曾因2008年让九岁的儿子独自乘地铁而备受社会争议，被封为“美国最糟糕的妈妈”。为此，她于2009年出版了一本书，名为《放养孩子》（Free-Range Kids： How to Raise Safe， Self-Reliant Children [Without Going Nuts with Worry]），并创建了“放养孩子计划”项目，提倡不过度保护孩子，还孩子以自由。

15. be rife with：充满，充斥

16. drop a dime：向警察报告违法行为

17. good Samaritan：好撒玛利亚人，此词出自于《圣经・路加福音》的寓言，讲的是一个犹太人在路上遇到了强盗，受伤后躺在地上，路过的犹太神职人员见死不救，反而是被犹太人蔑视的撒玛利亚人救了他。现此词用来代指见义勇为者。