高高昂起你的头来

I was fifteen months old, a happy carefree1 kid… until the day I fell. It was a bad fall. I landed on a glass rabbit which cut my eye badly enough to blind it. Trying to save the eye, the doctors stitched2 the eyeball together where it was cut, leaving a big ugly scar3 in the middle of my eye. The attempt failed, but my mama, in all of her wisdom, found a doctor who knew that if the eye were removed entirely, my face would grow up badly distorted, so my scarred, sightless, gray eye lived on with me. And as I grew, this sightless eye in so many ways controlled me.

I walked with my face looking at the floor so people would not see the ugly me. Sometimes people, even strangers, asked me embarrassing questions. When the kids played games, I was always the "monster." Everyone looked at me with disdain4, as if my appearance were my fault. I always felt like I was a freak5.

Yet Mama would say to me, at every turn, "Hold your head up high and face the world." She had started when I was young. She would hold me in her arms and say, "If you hold your head up high, it will be okay, and people will see your beautiful soul."

Those words have meant different things to me over the years. As a little child, I thought Mama meant, "Be careful or you will fall down or bump6 into something because you are not looking." As an adolescent, even though I tended to look down to hide my shame, I found that sometimes when I held my head up high and let people know me, they liked me. My mama's words helped me begin to realize that by letting people look at my face, I let them recognize the intelligence and beauty behind both eyes even if they couldn't see it on the surface.

In high school I was successful both academically7 and socially. I was even elected class president, but on the inside I still felt like a freak. All I really wanted was to look like everyone else. When things got really bad, I would cry to my mama and she would look at me with loving eyes and say, "Hold your head up high and face the world. Let them see the beauty that is inside."

When I met the man who became my partner for life, we looked each other straight8 in the eye, and he told me I was beautiful inside and out. He meant it. My mama's love and encouragement gave me the confidence to overcome my own doubt. I learned not only to appreciate myself but to have deep compassion9 for others.

"Hold your head up high," has been heard many times in my home. Each of my children has felt its inspiration. The gift my mama gave me lives on in another generation.

十五个月大的时候,我是个无忧无虑的孩子……直到我跌倒了。我跌得很重。我摔倒在玻璃兔子上,差一点弄瞎了我的眼睛。为了保全眼睛,医生把眼球割裂的地方缝了起来,在我的眼睛中间留下一条丑陋的疤痕。这种尝试失败了,但是我的妈妈,凭借她的智慧,找到了一位了解病情的医生,他知道如果完全地移除了眼球,我的面孔将逐渐地严重变形,所以我那颗结疤的、盲的、灰暗的眼球留在了我的眼眶里。随着我不断长大,这盲眼在很多方面控制了我的生活。

我走路的时候脸朝着地板,这样人们就看不到我丑陋的脸。有时人们,甚而是陌生人,会问我窘迫的问题。和孩子们玩耍,我总是扮“妖怪”。所有人都蔑视地看着我,好像我的外表是我的错。我总是觉得我是畸形人。

但是妈妈会对我说,“高高昂起你的头来面对世界”。在我很小的时候她就这样说。她会抱着我说,“如果你高高昂起你的头来,一切都会好起来,人们会看到你美丽的心灵。”

多年来我体会到了那些话的不同意思。小时候,我觉得妈妈说,“小心,否则你会因为看不清而跌倒或撞倒什么东西。”少年时,即使我想低下头掩藏我的羞愧,我却发现有时我昂起头让人们了解我,他们会喜欢我。妈妈的话帮助我逐渐意识到通过让人们看我的脸,我会让他们了解眼睛之后掩藏的智慧和美丽,即使表面上看不出来。

高中时,我学业和社交上都取得了成功。我甚至被选为班长,但是内心里我仍然觉得自己像畸形人。我真正想要的是看起来像其他人一样。当遇到了麻烦,我会对妈妈哭泣,她会仁爱地看着我说,“高高昂起你的头来面对世界。让他们看到你内心的美丽。”

当我遇见了我生命的另一半,我们互相直视着对方的眼睛,他告诉我我的外表和内心一样美丽。他是认真的。妈妈的爱和鼓励给了我信心克服我心中的疑惑。我不仅学会了欣赏自己,同时学会了同情他人。

“高高昂起你的头来”在我家里经常可以听到。我的每一个孩子都被这句话所激励。妈妈给我的礼物又延续到了下一代。

注释

①carefree a.无忧无虑的

②stitch n.(缝、绣等的)一针;针法 v.缝,绣

③scar n.伤疤(痕);创伤 v.留下伤痕(或创伤)

④disdain n.鄙视,轻蔑 vt.鄙视;不屑于做

⑤freak n.怪物,奇事 adj.反常的

⑥bump vi.(against)碰;颠簸着前进 n.碰撞

⑦academically adv.学业上地

⑧straight adj.直的;连续的;直率的 adv.直接地;立即

⑨compassion n.同情,怜悯