25岁方成年

My 22-year-old daughter， Emma， waved goodbye to her college campus last spring and walked into1） a job this fall. Given the still-tepid2） state of the economy and all the stories―in the news and from friends―about recent graduates who can’t find work， you might well imagine that my husband and I are thrilled. And we are. Sort of.

Emma’s job is a good one， and she is lucky to have it. She is an editorial assistant at a well-respected magazine. But it is the kind of job that countless millennials are landing these days： part-time， low paying， with no benefits.

So， after we spent nearly a quarter of a million dollars on her college education， one thing has become clear： Our investment in our daughter’s future is far from over.

We are hardly alone： Across America， 25 is the new 21.

In his recently published book， Age of Opportunity， Temple University psychologist Laurence Steinberg reports that today’s 25-year-olds are 50 percent more likely to be receiving financial assistance from Mom and Dad than the 25-year-olds of their parents’ generation.

For twentysomethings， this is just one part of a larger phenomenon that is also marked by a growing propensity3） to stay in school and remain unmarried for much longer than prior generations. Adolescence， according to Steinberg， now stretches over a 15-year span， beginning at age 10 and ending around 25; that’s more than twice as long as during the 1950s. This may not be a bad thing. Steinberg’s research suggests that putting off adulthood can have certain benefits in terms of brain development and mental health.

For the parents of twentysomethings， though， this delay often comes at a decided4） cost. Take our family， for instance： Emma is earning $12 an hour at a 30-hour-a-week job. Her take-home pay5）， after taxes， is $1，235 a month. Meanwhile， her total monthly expenses hover around $2，000. This includes the cost of a basement room she’s renting for $500， food， clothing， gas and maintenance on her car， entertainment， and incidentals6）.

The only reason that she’s not falling into debt is because my husband and I help her financially. We provide $200 in cash each month， as well as covering her car insurance and cellphone （she’s on the family plan）， and occasionally I take her clothes shopping and spring for7） a haircut and mani-pedi8）. We also pay her student loans， as it was always part of our financial planning that my husband and I would pay for her college education.

Emma also remains on our family’s health insurance， and probably will until she turns 26， as the Affordable Care Act9） allows. What’s more， her grandparents are pitching in10）， too. My mother has decided to give Emma an additional $300 a month for a full year as a graduation gift， with an eye on helping her get settled in life. Her father’s parents bought her a used Honda so she wouldn’t face a monthly car payment.

Whether we’re doing too much or too little for Emma is a source of constant conversation in our house. Is this just another form of over-involvement in a kid’s life， a monetary form of helicopter parenting？ How long should our support continue？ When does a financial lifeline become a crutch11）？ My husband likes to joke that Emma needs to get ready. “One day，” he says， “we will end welfare as we know it.”

Other parents are navigating the same tricky12） terrain. Many are reluctant to talk about it， at least with their names attached. In the half-dozen interviews I conducted for this story， every person I talked to requested anonymity for fear that their kids would look unprofessional or feel embarrassed. Even as it becomes more common for parents to help theirchildren pay their bills， talking about money still remains a taboo.

“We have a cultural stereotype about these kids being slackers，” Steinberg told me. “But we don’t see any evidence of that.”

A close friend of mine has three children： a 24-year-old， a 22-year-old who graduated last year， and one more still in school. She says she and her husband made a conscious decision to help support all three until they hit 25.

Why 25？ “I feel that when you are 25， you are anand being financially dependent after that is just not healthy，” she says. “I think it is our role as parents to apply some pressure toward independence. The reality is， we are not going to let our kids starve. But telling them we are not going to help after 25 is turning the flames up a lot.”

In the meantime， my friend’s oldest child is getting help with her rent in New York City， her health insurance， her cellphone， Netflix13）， and other incidentals while she studies fine art. Her middle child has been working at a part-time job and living at home.

“We keep telling our kids that financial independence is the goal，” she says. “But we wanted to give them a safety net so they could practice it.”

Even kids with good jobs and no student loans to worry about are getting help from Mom and Dad. Another friend， whose 23-year-old works for a wealth management firm and earns a mid-five-figure salary， says she and her husband still pay their daughter’s car and health insurance and have kept her on the family’s cell phone plan.

“She makes a good salary， but rent and expenses are high，” the mom says， adding that her daughter’s job requires that she look professional. “She has to dress well， get her nails done， and drive a reasonably nice car.”

“I hardly know anyone who is not receiving some kind of financial support，” a 26-year-old friend told me. “Whether it is health insurance， their cell phone bill， or even full rent being paid or tuition for graduate school， pretty much everyone I know gets help.”

“It just seems like a fact of life14），” he says. “Entry-level jobs these days―unless they are in engineering or finance―don’t cover your basic needs.”

“It’s only natural for people to compare their kids to what they were like when they were that age，” Steinberg said. “But what you have to remember is that times have changed. Parents need to resist the temptation to say， ‘When I was your age， I had a job and I took care of myself.’ That is not relevant now. We do not live in the same world.”

In the end， what is most important is not that someone fresh out of school， or even a few years out of school， has achieved financial independence. What matters is that they are on the path to independence. If our daughter was at home all day， goofing around15）， my husband and I would be far less inclined to lend a hand. But the job that Emma now has promises to give her valuable experience in a field she’s interested in.

And it may well advance her “real” job prospects―and her independence―down the line. We’re confident that one day she’ll get there， whether that comes at 23. Or 25. Or 25-ish.

1. walk into：轻松获得（工作）

2. tepid [?tep?d] adj. 不热情的，不热烈的

3. propensity [pr??pens?ti] n. 倾向

4. decided [d??sa?d?d] adj. 确实无疑的;明白无误的;明显的

5. take-home pay：（在扣除捐税等后的）实得工资

6. incidental [??ns??dent（?）l] n. （常用复数）杂项;杂费

7. spring for：〈口〉付账，请客

8. mani-pedi：手足造型美甲

9. Affordable Care Act：奥巴马政府推出的《平价医疗法案》

10. pitch in：参加;协力;帮助

11. crutch [kr?t?] n. 拐杖;依靠，依赖

12. tricky [?tr?ki] adj. 难办的;棘手的

13. Netflix：奈飞，美国一家在线影片租赁提供商，业务模式为在线订阅，服务费采用包月制。

14. a fact of life：无可辩驳（或回避）的事实，无法改变的事实

15. goof around：消磨时间;闲荡;混日子

去年春天，我22岁的女儿艾玛挥别了大学校园，并于今年秋天轻松地找到了一份工作。经济仍然不景气，从新闻中看到和朋友那儿听说的也全是近来毕业生找不到工作的事，考虑到这些，你很可能会猜想我和我丈夫很高兴。我们确实高兴。有那么一点儿。

艾玛的工作还不错，她能获得这份工作很幸运。她在一家备受尊崇的杂志社任编辑助理。但这是如今不计其数的千禧年出生的人找到的那种工作：兼职、低薪、没福利。

因此，在我们已经为艾玛的大学教育支付了近25万美元之后，有件事变得很清楚：我们对女儿未来的投资还远未结束。

我们家绝不是个例：纵观全美，25岁成了新的21岁。

天普大学的心理学家劳伦斯・斯坦伯格在其新出版的《机遇时代》一书中报告说，如今，25岁的年轻人接受父母经济援助的可能性比自己父母那一代要高出50%以上。

对于二十几岁的人来说，这不过是一种更广泛的现象的冰山一角。这种现象的另一个显著特点是这一代人越来越倾向于待在学校，保持未婚状态的时间也比前几代人要长很多。根据斯坦伯格的观点，现在的青春期从10岁开始，25岁左右才结束，持续15年，相当于20世纪50年代青春期的两倍还多。这可能并不是坏事。斯坦伯格的研究表明，成年期推迟对大脑发育和心理健康有一定的好处。

然而，对于二十几岁的人的父母来说，这种推迟常常确定无疑地意味着花钱。以我们家为例：艾玛的时薪为12美元，每周工作30个小时，每月税后的实际收入为1235美元。同时，她每个月的总花销在2000美元上下浮动，其中包括500美元的地下室租金、餐费、买衣服的钱、汽车的油费及保养费、娱乐花销和一些杂七杂八的费用。

艾玛没有债务缠身的唯一原因就在于我和丈夫在财务方面给予了她帮助。每个月我们给她200美元的现金，同时还支付她的汽车保险和话费（她被纳入了我们的家庭计划），我还时不时地给她买衣服，请她去美发和美甲。我们还替她还助学贷款，这一直是我们财务计划的一部分――丈夫和我会为她的大学教育埋单。

艾玛也依然在我们的家庭医疗保险计划中，而且根据《平价医疗法案》的规定，在26岁之前，她或许一直会参加家庭医保计划。除此之外，她的祖父母和外祖父母也在协力相助。我母亲已经决定每月另外给艾玛300美元作为毕业礼物，为期一年，就是为了帮她安顿下来。她的祖父母则给她买了一辆二手本田，这样她就不用每个月还汽车贷款了。

我们为艾玛做得太多还是太少？这个话题在我们家可以引发持续的探讨。这会不会就是另一种过度干涉子女生活的方式，是“直升机父母”在金钱方面的表现形式？我们的资助应该持续多久？从何时起救命的财务援助变成了一种依赖？我丈夫喜欢开玩笑说艾玛需要做好准备。“有一天，”他说，“当我们觉得时候到了，就会停止发放福利。”

其他父母也在这同一个微妙的领域里探索着。许多父母不愿谈论这个问题，至少不愿提及自己的姓名。在我为这篇文章所做的五六次采访中，与我谈话的每一个人都要求匿名，以免自己的子女显得不够职业或是感到尴尬。尽管父母帮成年子女付账的情况变得越来越普遍，但谈论金钱仍然是种禁忌。

“我们有一种文化思维定式，觉得这样的孩子是懒蛋，”斯坦伯格告诉我，“但我们并没有任何证据来证明这一点。”

我的一位密友有三个孩子：一个24岁，去年毕业的那个22岁，还有一个仍在上学。她说她和丈夫已经明确决定要资助三个孩子，直到他们满25岁。

为什么是25岁呢？“我觉得25岁就算成年人了，在那之后要是还在经济上依靠父母就不正常了，”她说道，“我认为我们做父母的有责任施加些压力，让子女们独立。现实情况是，我们不会让自己的孩子饿肚子的。但告诉他们25岁以后我们就撒手不管了却能给他们施加很大的压力。”

与此同时，我的朋友正在帮最年长的孩子支付她在纽约的租金、医疗保险、话费、奈飞网的服务费以及她在学美术期间的其他一些杂项开支。她家老二正在兼职打工，住在家里。

“我们一直告诉孩子们经济独立才是目标，”她说，“但我们想给他们一个安全网，这样他们才能锻炼独立能力。”

即便是那些工作好又不用担心助学贷款的孩子也在寻求父母的帮助。我另一个朋友的孩子23岁，在一家财富管理公司工作，工资有好几万。她说她和丈夫仍然要给女儿买车和医疗保险，而且女儿一直都在家庭手机计划里。

“她的薪水是不少，但租金和各种花销也很高。”这位母亲说。她还说女儿的工作性质要求她必须以职业形象示人。“她得穿体面的衣服，要做美甲，还得开一辆还算不错的车。”

“几乎我认识的所有人都在接受某种形式的财务援助，”一位26岁的朋友告诉我，“无论是医疗保险还是话费账单，甚至是全额支付的房租或研究生学费，几乎我认识的每个人都在接受资助。”

“这似乎就是一种无法回避的现实，”他说，“眼下初级职位的工作――除非是工程或金融行业的工作――无法满足你的基本需求。”

“人们会拿自己的孩子跟自己那么大时的情形作比较，这再自然不过了，”斯坦伯格称，“但你必须记住的是，时代变了。父母们要抵住诱惑，别说这样的话：‘我像你这么大的时候，都上班养活自己了。’那和现在都不是一码事。我们并非生活在同一个世界。”

归根结底，最重要的并不是哪个刚从学校毕业甚至是毕业几年后的人实现了经济独立，重要的是他们正在通往独立的路上前进。如果我们的女儿整天都待在家里混日子，我和丈夫就不会那么愿意伸出援手了。但艾玛现在拥有的这份工作有可能为她提供她所感兴趣的领域的宝贵经验。

而且这份工作很可能会促使她在未来拥有“真正的”工作，并实现独立。我们相信，总有一天她会独立，无论是在23岁、25岁还是25岁左右。