章鱼花园 8期

I’d like to be under the sea in an octopus’s garden in the shade.” I was in the living room with my dad， listening to his vinyl Beatles record playing the song Octopus’s Garden. I was about six years old， and that line troubled me. “How can there be shade under the sea？” I asked my dad. “There aren’t shady spots and sunny spots under water！”

My father told me that it was make-believe， so it didn’t need to make sense. That opened up my eyes. Music and other types of art didn’t need to be realistic all the time. I embraced the idea of creativity， and I was drawn to the arts， especially music.

Music has always been a huge part of my life. I attribute that mostly to my father， who passed away three years ago. He loved music， and he instilled that love in me. We bonded through music， and I continue to connect to him through it.

Some of my earliest memories involve my father and music. We always listened together to the radio， CDs and his vinyl records. He chose the music， mostly classic rock， but sometimes he’d play classical music or jazz when I couldn’t sleep.

A few months later， soon after I began high school， my friend and I were walking in Central Park late one afternoon when I heard what sounded like guitars. We followed the sound and found ourselves in Strawberries Fields， surrounded by a group of people singing and playing Beatles songs.

It turned out it was John Lennon’s 64th birthday， had he still been alive， which was significant because of The Beatles’ hit song When I’m 64. Fans had come to pay tribute to John Lennon. I thought the chords， rhythms， harmonies and lyrics were beautiful.

One evening， I sat down at the computer in my dad’s bedroom to do my homework. I put on The Beatles’ Rubber Soul album and sang along to the first song， Drive My Car. By the time the second track， Norwegian Wood， began， my dad had walked into the room and was standing near me， singing along as he often did.

We smiled and looked at each other as we sang harmonies and drummed our hands on our thighs with the beat. We didn’t speak because we didn’t have to. The music spoke for us.

Meanwhile， a new source of music had come into my life. I began to take voice lessons when I was 13. My voice teacher introduced me to songs from musicals， something my dad didn’t listen to often. My first performance was a school talent show， only months after I began voice lessons. I walked on stage， so shaky that I was afraid I’d fall over in my high heels. I breathed deeply and prepared for that first note as I brought the microphone up to my mouth. “I hope you never lose your sense of wonder，” I sang. Before I knew it， the song was over.

I walked off the stage in a daze from the rush of performing in front of a large audience. When I found my father， he was beaming with pride. He’d heard me sing around the house， but this was the first time he’d heard me giving it all the way I do in voice lessons and performances. We hugged and he told me how lucky he felt to be my father. For weeks afterwards he proudly told me about all the people who had complimented my performance to him.

Looking back， I think my singing deepened our musical relationship. Before， he would offer bands， songs and music-related facts， and I would receive them. It was my interest in a passion of his. Now I am sharing my own musical passion with him. I am giving something back to him： my voice， my musical creations.

My father passed away suddenly when I was 15. A few months later， I had a performance in a concert my voice teacher was organizing. I decided to sing Papa Can You Hear Me. I had a very bittersweet feeling on stage. It was extremely emotional， because my father wasn’t with me physically， but also incredibly fulfilling to be doing something I loved that he’d inspired me to do and that I knew he would have wanted me to pursue.

我想潜到海里，躲在章鱼花园的绿阴下。”我和爸爸在起居室听着甲壳虫乐队的黑胶唱片播放《章鱼花园》这首歌。那时我大概只有六岁。那句歌词让我感到困惑。“海里怎么会有绿阴呢？”我问爸爸，“海水下面并没有阴凉和日晒的区别啊！”

爸爸告诉我这是虚构的，所以不需要讲得通。这种说法打开了我的视野。音乐和其他艺术形式无需完全符合现实。我欣然接受了“创造”这一概念，开始对艺术，尤其对音乐情有独钟。

音乐一直占据着我生活中的大部分时间，这主要归功于爸爸。他在三年前去世了。他热爱音乐，并逐渐让我也爱上了音乐。我们在音乐中建立了父女间的亲切关系，我也通过音乐寄托对爸爸的思念之情。

从我能记事时开始，我就记得一些爸爸和音乐的事。我们总在一起听广播和CD，还有他的黑胶唱片。音乐由他挑选，大多是经典的摇滚乐，不过有时当我无法入眠时，他就会播放古典音乐或爵士乐给我听。

几个月后，也就是我上高中后不久，一天傍晚，正和朋友在中央公园里散步的时候，我听到了好似吉他演奏的声音。我们循声而去，来到了草莓园。这里聚集了一大群人，他们一边演奏，一边唱着甲壳虫乐队的歌。

原来，那天是甲壳虫乐队的主唱约翰・列侬的64岁生日――假如他还活着的话。甲壳虫乐队的一首风靡一时的歌曲《当我64岁时》令那天意义重大。歌迷们来到这里向约翰・列侬致敬。我觉得那些和弦、节奏、和声以及歌词都很优美。

一天晚上，我坐在爸爸卧室里的电脑前做功课。我播放甲壳虫乐队的《黑胶灵魂》专辑，并跟着第一首歌《开我的车》哼唱起来。当第二首歌《挪威的森林》开始时，爸爸走进房间，站在我身边，像往常一样跟着哼唱起来。

我们一边唱着和声，一边用手在大腿上打着节拍，相视而笑。我们没有交谈，因为无需语言，音乐已经说出了我们的心声。

与此同时，一种新的音乐形式进入我的生活。13岁时，我开始学习声乐。我的声乐老师向我推荐音乐剧里的歌曲，而爸爸并不经常听这种音乐。我首次登台是在学校的一次才艺表演上，当时我只学了几个月的声乐。我走上舞台，浑身颤抖得厉害，很怕穿着高跟鞋会跌倒。我把麦克风拿到嘴边，深深地吸了一口气，为唱出第一个音符作好准备。“我希望你永远也不会失去好奇之心。”我唱道。我还没有回过神来，歌曲便已经结束了。

在众多观众面前匆匆忙忙表演完后，我恍恍惚惚地走下舞台。找到爸爸时，他满脸都是自豪的笑容。他听过我在家里唱歌，然而这是他第一次听我在声乐课以及表演时这么全力以赴地唱歌。我们互相拥抱，他告诉我，有我这样的女儿，他感到十分幸运。随后几个星期，他一直骄傲地对我说，很多人向他称赞我的演出。

回首过去，我觉得演唱加深了我和爸爸在音乐上的关系。以前，总是他向我传授各种关于乐队、歌曲和音乐的知识，我都全盘吸收。我对他执著于音乐的情怀感到兴趣盎然。而现在，我和他一样有对音乐的一腔热忱。我正在用我的歌喉和音乐创作回馈爸爸。

在我15岁的时候，爸爸溘然长逝。几个月后，我要在声乐老师组织的一场音乐会上献唱。我决定演唱《爸爸，你能听见我吗》这首歌。在舞台上，我的心里有一种强烈的苦乐参半的感觉。这是一种难以自已的感情，因为爸爸已经不在我身边了。但我做着自己喜欢的事情，这也是爸爸一直鼓励我去做的，而且我知道他肯定希望我坚持下去。从这一点来说，我感到极其满足。