少生优生,幸福一生?

The statistics are astonishing. According to figures released by 1）the Office for National Statistics， the U.K. has about 7.7 million families with dependent children， of which 3.7 million have just one child， compared to three million with two and 1.1 million with three children or more.

Those stats are actually slightly misleading， as the figures are merely a snapshot of the way people now live and are not designed to tell us anything about future intentions. So a young couple with a small baby are classified as a one-child family， even if they go on to have more kids.

Nevertheless the trend is startling.

The number of families today with just one dependent child is now 47 percent and will likely rise to more than 50 in a decade. As the ONS confirms， “It appears that families are getting smaller.”

One obvious reason for this could be that women are putting off having children until they have established careers when they are bound to be less fertile. But it could just as well be a matter of choice. Parents must consider the rising cost of living， combined with economic uncertainty and an increasingly difficult jobs market. And this trend may continue growing as having an only child becomes more normal， which seems to be the mood on the mothers’ online forum Mumsnet， where one member announced that she “just wanted to start a positive thread about how fab it is to have an only child”. She went on to detail her list in praise of only children： “You can take them to stuff appropriate to their age group without having to drag along a 2）disinterested sibling； peace and calm at home with no sibling rivalry and 3）squabbles/violence； you can do something with another family without involving two cars/people carriers； far easier to combine one child with work/ social commitments； easier to provide financially for one child.”

Those plus points struck a chord.

By yesterday afternoon she had received 231 replies， overwhelmingly in the same upbeat spirit. Parents of only children insist there are plenty of benefits. Nicola Kelly， a writer and lecturer who grew up as an only child and is now a married mother of one， says her 15-year-old son seems more grown-up in many ways than his 4）contemporaries.

Not all products of single-child families are as keen to repeat the experience. In a moving recent account journalist Janice Turner wrote about her own keenness to “squeeze out two sons just 22 months apart” as a reaction to her only-child upbringing.

She was placed on a pedestal by her doting parents， whom she punished with a“5）brattish， wilful” rejection of everything they stood for. Desperate for a close friend she was repeatedly shattered by rejection and refers to her childhood as being “misery”.

Writer and clinician Dr. Dorothy Rowe， a member of the British Psychological Society， says that we all interpret events in our own individual way and there are some children who no matter what their circumstances feel slighted， while other children see the advantages of their situation.

Although it is sometimes said that only children grow into self-contained or detached adults， quickly overwhelmed by noise and 6）clamour， Dr. Rowe believes it’s impossible to generalise in that way. “I know lots of people do think so but there are too many variations，” she says.

Dr. Rowe adds that the increase in single-child families means that fewer of today’s only children will consider themselves， like Janice Turner， an outsider who “would never reveal my solitary state until pressed”.

The one part of life that is unlikely to get any easier for only children is when they grow up and find themselves looking after their own parents as they become older.

“My mum died two and a half years ago and it was very difficult because it was only me，” says Nicola Kelly. “It was the first time it actually struck me how difficult it is， the only time in my entire life I’ve wished I had a sibling. Now I feel a big responsibility to my dad. I ring him every day and I worry about the future. I’m lucky I’ve got good friends but a sibling has a certain duty and can share the burden. I can’t say I’ve ever felt lonely but latterly I’ve felt the weight of my parental responsibilities.”

Former Big Brother host Davina McCall has spoken at length of her own troubled childhood， blaming her upbringing for her teenage 7）anorexia. In her case it wasn’t so much being an “only” that caused her angst but rather that she was raised in a fractured home. She was brought up by her grandparents after her parents split up， before going back to live with her father， and has said that her mother should never have had a child. Davina herself has three.

Sir Elton John and his partner David Furnish had a second child by a 8）surrogate mother when Elton was 65 because the singer was so keen that their first son Zachary should not grow up as an only child， as he himself did.

But for tennis star Maria Sharapova being the only child of proud and ambitious parents was a passport to sporting excellence. They made immense personal sacrifices to nurture her talent. And she certainly hasn’t reacted against it by creating a large family. She has yet to have children of her own.

以下数据令人感到惊讶。根据由英国国家统计局的数据显示，全英拥有未独立子女的家庭数量大约有770万，其中有370万家庭只有一个孩子，而拥有两个孩子的家庭数目为300万，拥有三个及以上孩子的家庭数目则为110万。

这些统计数据其实带有轻微的误导性，因为其体现的只不过是人们目前的生活状况，并没有告知我们任何有关未来趋势的信息。就这样，一对目前只有一个小宝宝的年轻夫妇便被列入了一孩家庭类别，即使他们将来会继续生更多的孩子。

但话虽如此，可这种趋势还是令人吃惊。

目前只有一个未独立子女的家庭数目已占了47%的比例，且有可能在未来的十年里超过50%。正如英国国家统计局所证实的那样：“其显示出家庭结构呈小型化发展趋势。”

对于这种趋势的出现，一个显而易见的原因很可能就是女性推迟生育时间，直至其事业稳固之后，而此时她们势必已过了生育的最佳时期。但这也可能只是一种个人选择。父母们必须考虑到上升的生活成本，加上经济不稳定因素和愈发艰难的就业市场情况。而且如果独生子女越发成为常态的话，这种趋势可能会持续发展。而这似乎已经在“妈妈网”这个妈妈网络论坛上形成一种态势。该网上有一位会员宣称她“只是想发一个积极的帖子来讨论独生子女有多棒”。她接着详述了一大串对独生子女的赞美：“你能够带他们到适合他们年龄段的商店买东西而不用拖上无关的兄弟姐妹；没有兄弟姐妹间的争宠和吵闹打架，家里会变得安宁和平静；当你和另一个家庭一起出行时不需要用到两辆车那么多；要兼顾工作或社会活动时，只要带一个孩子的话就会轻松很多；经济上供养一个孩子会轻松很多。”

这些理由加起来确实能引起共鸣。

截至昨天下午，她已收到了231条回复，其中绝大多数人具有同样乐观的看法。养育独生子女的父母们坚持认为这样会带来许多好处。作家兼讲师尼古拉・凯利就是一名独生女，她现在已婚，育有一个独生子。她说，她十五岁的儿子看起来比起他的同龄人在很多方面都更加成熟。

但并非所有来自独生子女家庭的孩子都希望继续重演这样的经历。在一个最近活动的账号中，记者贾妮斯・特纳写下“只相隔22个月便挤出两个儿子”来尖锐回应自己作为独生子女的成长方式。

她曾经被溺爱她的父母们捧在掌心，而她则以“被惯坏的、任性的”的态度来反对他们所支持的一切。她极度渴望能有一位亲密的朋友，但却屡遭拒绝，使得她梦想破灭，她形容自己的童年“很痛苦”。

身为作家兼临床医生的桃乐茜・罗医生，是英国心理学会的成员，她认为我们所有人都按个人的方式去诠释理解各种事件，有些孩子，不管他们如何轻视自己所处的环境，然而在其他孩子眼中看来却有着各种好处。

尽管有说法认为独生子女长大后会成为独立性强，或者说离群的人，但很快就被各种异议和反对呼声所淹没，罗医生认为不可能如此一概而论。“我知道有很多人确实是这么想，但事实上存在着太多可变因素。”她如是说道。

罗医生补充说，独生子女家庭的增加意味着今天的独生子女中更少人会认为他们自己，像贾妮斯・特纳那样，是一个局外人，“若非受到逼迫永远不会透露自己的孤寂心态”。

对于独生子女来说，生活中不太可能感觉轻松的一方面就是，当他们长大后，发现自己要照顾年事已高的父母。

“我妈妈在两年半前去世，当时我感到很难熬，因为只有我自己一个人承受，”尼古拉・凯利说道。“那是我第一次真正感觉到那么难熬，也是我一生中唯一一次希望自己有一位兄弟姐妹。如今我对爸爸感到责任巨大，每天我都会给他打电话，对未来我充满了忧虑。很幸运的是我身边有些好朋友，但如果有兄弟姐妹的话，他们就能和我共担责任和分担压力。我说不上自己曾经感到多么孤单，但近来我确实感受到照顾父母的压力。”

《老大哥》节目的前任主持人戴维娜・麦克考尔曾细述过她那不安混乱的童年，责备她父母的抚养导致她患上青少年神经性厌食症。她的个案中，引起焦虑的主因并不是“独生”问题，而是因为她在破碎家庭中长大。她父母分开后，在回到父亲身边前，她一直由祖父母抚养，她说过她妈妈不应该只生一个孩子。戴维娜自己生了三个孩子。

埃尔顿・约翰爵士和他的配偶戴维・弗里斯通过代孕妈妈生了第二个孩子，因为当埃尔顿65岁时，这名歌手非常希望他们的长子扎卡里不应像他自己那样作为独生子女而成长。

但对于网坛明星玛利亚・莎拉波娃来说，作为她那骄傲且雄心勃勃的父母的独生女则是通往体育高峰的重要通行证。他们在培养她的才能上作出了巨大的个人牺牲。她当然不会通过建立一个大家庭来与此观念抗衡。她迄今还没有自己的孩子。