时间：2022-06-25 11:15:58
(A)
假设你是一名15岁的学生,参加了学校举办的Walk for Children募捐活动｡请根据下面表格中的相关信息写一篇短文,介绍这次活动,并说明自己的感想｡
参考词语: charity 慈善 certificate 证书 souvenir 纪念品
词数:80个左右｡
学生习作:
I took part in a charity walk is① called Walk for Children in② June 10,2007. The walk began at 9:00 am, Sunday. It spent③ us 2 hours to walk all the way from our school to North Hill. My teammates and I finished the walk in④ 2 hours and we received a certificate and a souvenir. To our joy, we raised 5,000 yuan to support poor children in China to go to school. They can’t go to school because they are poor. I think it is much⑤meaningful to join in the walk and give the poor children some help. I’ll try to take part in more such activity⑥. Let’s help the poor children together.
修改说明:① 此处为过去分词短语作定语,应去掉is; ② 此处表示在具体的某一天,应将 in改为on; ③ 此处应将spent改为took,因为spend作“花费”解时,其主语只能是人,而take作“花费”解时,通常用于“It takessome time to do sth”句式; ④ 此处表示“在……时间之内”,应将in改为within; ⑤ 此处表示“非常”之意,且修饰形容词原级,应将much改为very; ⑥ more应修饰复数可数名词,应将activity改为activities｡
教师点评:本篇“书面表达”习作的小作者从活动的过程和对活动的感想两个角度对慈善募捐活动进行了描述｡文章叙述合理,层次清晰,有较强的的整体感｡ and, To our joy, I think等过渡性词语的使用增强了文章的连贯性､逻辑性和可读性｡并列句､原因状语从句､宾语从句等高级表达方式的使用增强了文章的表达效果,提高了文章的表达档次｡所有这些手法的运用成为本文不可或缺的的亮点｡然而本文也存在一些不足之处,出现了一些如多用动词､介词误用､易混动词误用､易混副词误用､名词单复数误用等语言表达方面的错误,这表明小作者的语言表达有待于进一步提高｡但从总体上讲,本文不失为一篇成功的习作,值得同学们学习｡
参考范文:
I took part in a charity walk called Walk for Children on June 10,2007. The walk began at 9:00 am, Sunday. It took us 2 hours to walk all the way from our school to North Hill. My teammates and I finished the walk within 2 hours and we received a certificate and a souvenir. To our joy, we raised 5,000 yuan to support poor children in China to go to school. They can’t go to school because they are poor. I think it is very meaningful to join in the walk and give the poor children some help. I’ll try to take part in more such activities. Let’s help the poor children together.
(B)
请按照下面表格内的提示信息写一篇题为“Changes in Our Hometown”的英语短文,词数为80个左右｡
学生习作:
Over the past ten years, great changes have been① taken place in our hometown. In the past, the houses in our hometown were very poor, but now many people have moved in② tall buildings. The water in the rivers were③ very dirty, but now the rivers are clean and people can swim in them. People used to walk or ride bikes, but now they can take bus④ or drive their own cars to go to work. We could only hear⑤ the radio before, but now we can watch TV and get on computers for study or entertainment.
修改说明:① take place不可用于被动语态,应去掉been; ② 此处表示“搬进”之意,应将in改为into; ③ 主语The water为不可数名词,应将were改为was; ④ 根据语境逻辑此处应用可数名词复数,应将bus改为buses; ⑤ 此处强调“听”的动作,应将hear改为listen to｡
教师点评:本篇“书面表达”习作的小作者以今昔对比为线索,介绍了家乡在住房､环境､交通方式､娱乐设施等方面的变化｡文章层次清晰,条理清楚,有较强的整体感｡ In the past, but now, and, or等过渡性词语的使用使文章叙述更合理,意义更连贯,逻辑更严密｡并列句的多次使用增强了文章的表达效果,提高了文章的表达档次｡所有这些描法成为本文的一个个亮点｡然而本文也存在一些不足之处,出现了一些语言表达方面的错误,如语态错误､介词的误用､主谓语不一致､名词单复数的误用､易混动词误用｡这些错误表明小作者语言表达能力还不够成熟,有待于进一步提高｡但从总体上讲,本文不失为一篇成功的习作,值得广大读者学习｡
参考范文:
Over the past ten years, great changes have taken place in our hometown. In the past, the houses in our hometown were very poor, but now many people have moved into tall buildings. The water in the rivers was very dirty, but now the rivers are clean and people can swim in them. People used to walk or ride bikes, but now they can take buses or drive their own cars to go to work. We could only listen to the radio before, but now we can watch TV and get on computers for study or entertainment.