Homiphones

Homophones： words that have the same sound but different spellings

Spot the difference

What’s the difference between a man and a letter？ One is male and the other is mail. How do you know if someone is talking about a breakfast food or a type of TV programme？ The first is a cereal and the second is a serial. When you are in a restaurant in Canada， do you order moose or mousse？ Only one of them is usually a dessert.

Everyday mistakes

Of course you can see the difference between these pairs of words when they are written down. But in spoken English they sound identical. There are many homophones like these in English and native speakers often get them wrong―they write ‘there’ instead of‘their’， or ‘break’ and not ‘brake’. But homophones also make great jokes.

What do you call a man who keeps you fit？ ―Jim.

What do call a very old lady？ ―Anne Teak.

Historical homophones

These may be quite recent jokes. But academics say you can find double meanings from homophones four hundred years ago in the works of William Shakespeare. It would also be nice to think that medieval soldiers said ‘Night night， knight！’ before going to bed， but we can’t be sure.

Annual favourites

Homophones are so popular in Britain， people tell jokes based on them at dinner on Christmas Day. Here are some more examples. I knew a man who used to be a doctor， but he ran out of patience. I became a vegetarian until I realised that it was just a missed steak. Why is 6 afraid of 7？ Because 7 ate 9！

Get them while they’re hot

In fact， this type of joke is so popular people even invent long， complicated stories just so they can put a play on words at the end. Fortunately， there’s no space here to go into detail. Instead， here’s my favourite joke of the moment：

A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and goes to the kitchen. A man is cooking potatoes in oil. ‘Are you the friar？’ asks the traveller. ‘No. I’m the chip monk，’ he replies.

Explanations of jokes in the text

Jim： the man’s name / gym： a place where you exercise

Anne Teak： the woman’s name / antique： an old valuable object

night： period when it is dark / knight： high-class medieval soldier

patience： accepting difficult situations / patients： people receiving medical care

missed steak： piece of beef you didn’t eat / mistake： error

ate： past tense of ‘eat’ / eight： number between seven and nine

friar： member of a religious order / fryer： someone who cooks food in oil

chip monk： member of a religious community cooking pieces of potato / chipmunk： small furry animal