Drone On! 无人机,走起!

Hello， I’m here to tell you a little bit about the exciting world of commercial drone use.

When you hear the word “drone，” certain other words inevitably spring to mind—all of them positive： Global！ Accuracy！ Hearts and minds2）！ Futuristic … machines！ Wedding celebration！

It seems like every time you open the paper or accidentally see foreign news broadcast， people are talking about drones. Just Google “drone” and look at the sheer number of results. Don’t actually look at the results； look at the number of results.

Yes， drones are a certified international phenomenon. （Just like the Beatles！） But as ubiquitous as they are overseas， unmanned aerial vehicles are currently underutilized3） here on the home front. No matter what your business or personal needs are， though， we feel confident that drones are the solution.

Book Delivery

You’ve placed your order； now it’s time to step outside onto your lawn. Soon， you hear a high-pitched clicking noise somewhere in the sky， miles above your head. You don’t see anything， but that sound means it’s time to dive out of the way. Now check the crater4） where you were just standing： it’s the new Clive Cussler5）！ This is the future of the publishing industry.

E-book Delivery

Our drones can also be used to easily drop proprietary6） e-readers on a populace that is generally unwilling to make the switch7）. Targets will find it much harder to complain about how e-books “aren’t tactile8） enough” while their roof is pelted9） loudly with hundreds of Kindles.

Pizza Delivery

Thirty minutes or less？ Try receiving your pizza in thirty seconds or less， courtesy of10） a Joint Direct Attack Munition11） that has been specially modified to shoot pizzas at four thousand miles per hour （this keeps them warm）. Don’t forget to thank your deliveryman. Just because he’s sitting at a computer in Arlington， Virginia， doesn’t mean he can’t hear you. He can hear you. He can always hear you.

Home Security

Want to know where your kids are？ How about your wife？ How about your wife’s new boyfriend？ How about his wife and kids， who don’t even know anything about any of this？ How about his parents in Indiana？ Wouldn’t they be pretty disappointed to learn that their only son is making a mockery of the marriage vows he swore before God and man？ What if a drone left them a note that explained everything， and we mean everything？ Wouldn’t that make your home more secure？

Special Events

Do you wish there was an easier way to liven up a child’s birthday or bar mitzvah12）？ Maybe you should call Droney， the loveable drone with the rad13） attitude！ By placing a simple clown nose and a pair of sunglasses onto one of our drones， we can instantly create an adorable character that will delight children of all ages. Your kids will laugh as Droney does loop-de-loops14） or just hovers ominously15） above the party， making strangely little noise. Droney loves to play games， too， like hide-and-seek.

Pet Care

Taking your dog outside at all hours of the day is a hassle. Why not let us do the work？ Simply attach your pet’s special nylon harness16） to one of our unmanned aerial vehicles and let us “walk” him around the block several hundred times in the same five minutes it would take you to do it once. In terms of sheer mileage17） covered， it’s a no-brainer18）. Not recommended for older pets.

Dentistry

Need a troublesome tooth removed？ No problem. Just stand by an open window and smile， fully exposing the tooth that you have clearly marked with a large red X. Do not move your head. Do not stop smiling.

These are just a few potential applications of drones in the private sector， but the possibilities are limitless. I truly believe that in the next three to five years， the use of unmanned aerial vehicles will revolutionize every aspect of the way we do business. And I’m not just saying that because there are dozens of them silently watching me deliver this presentation from an altitude of six thousand feet！

I’m smiling but that wasn’t a joke. I need all of you to clap. For the love of God， everyone clap.

大家好，今天我来给你们讲讲商业无人机的应用将打造的精彩世界。

一听到“无人机”这个词，另外一些词必然会迸入你的脑海中——都是些好词：全球的！精确性！人心所向！未来派的……机器！婚礼庆典！

似乎每一次你翻开报纸或者偶然收看国外的新闻报道时，都能发现人们在谈论无人机。只要到谷歌上搜索一下“无人机”，光看看显示的结果条数就明白了。不是真的要你看结果的内容，是看结果的条数。

没错，无人机是一个公认的国际现象。（就像披头士乐队那样！）虽然无人机在海外无处不在，但目前它在国内（编注：指美国。因安全性和隐私保护等问题，商用无人机技术的应用在美国受法律限制。）还没有得到充分利用。不过，无论你的业务需求或个人需求是什么，我们确信无人机都能提供解决方案。

书籍投递

你已下了订单。现在，你应该走到室外，来到你家的草坪上。不一会儿，你听到空中——你头顶上方几英里高的地方——传来尖利的咔哒声。你什么都没看到，但这个声音意味着你该俯身躲开。现在，检查一下你刚才站的那个地方被砸出来的坑：是克莱夫·卡斯勒新出的书！这就是出版业的未来。

电子书投递

针对那些通常不愿意转而阅读电子书的人们，我们的无人机还能方便地用来为其空投品牌电子阅读器。当成百上千个Kindle电子书阅读器噼里啪啦地砸到这些人家屋顶的时候，他们将很难再抱怨电子书“触感不够”。

比萨送餐

30分钟或更短的时间？试试在30秒或更短的时间内收到比萨吧。这些比萨由经过特别改装的联合直接攻击弹药投送，速度为每小时四千英里（这样的速度能让比萨保温）。别忘了感谢你的投递员。他正坐在弗吉尼亚州阿灵顿的一台电脑前，但这并不意味着他听不到你的声音。他能听到。他始终都能听到。

家庭安全

想知道你的孩子们在哪儿吗？想知道你妻子的情况吗？想知道你妻子新男友的情况吗？想知道他的妻子和孩子的情况吗？对于他的婚外情，他们还被蒙在鼓里呢。想知道他住在印第安纳州的父母的情况吗？如果他们知道自己的独子拿他在上帝和众人面前所作的结婚誓言开玩笑，他们会不会很失望？如果派一架无人机给他们留言，把一切都告诉他们，我是说来龙去脉，结果会怎样？这不是让你家更安全了吗？

特殊活动

你希望用更简单的方法来活跃孩子的生日派对或成人礼的气氛吗？或许你应该请舟尼这个可爱的、态度顶呱呱的无人机来帮忙！给我们的无人机安上一个普通的小丑鼻子，戴上一副太阳镜，我们立马就能创造出一个所有年龄段的孩子们都会喜欢的可爱角色。当舟尼翻筋斗或者只是不怀好意地在空中盘旋，发出诡异的小噪音时，你的孩子都会开怀大笑。舟尼也喜欢玩游戏，比如捉迷藏。

照顾宠物

整天外出遛狗是件麻烦事。为什么不让我们来代劳呢？只需将你宠物的特制尼龙拉绳拴到我们其中一架无人机上，我们五分钟内就能在街区里“遛”它几百次，而同样的时间里你只能遛它一次。单说这样遛下来得走多远，这不用动脑筋也能算出来。不推荐年迈的宠物用这个方法。

牙医行业

需要拔掉一颗闹心的坏牙吗？没问题。你只需站在一扇敞开着的窗前，微笑，把那颗已经清晰地画上一个红色大叉的牙齿完全露出来。头不要动，一直保持微笑。

这些只是无人机在私人领域的一些可能的应用，但其发展前景是无限的。我真的相信，在未来三至五年内，无人机的使用将从方方面面彻底改变我们从事商业活动的方式。我这么说不仅仅是因为在我发言时，有很多无人机从六千英尺的高空悄悄地监视我！

我是在笑，但并不是在开玩笑。我需要你们所有人鼓掌。看在上帝的分上，每个人都鼓掌吧。

1. drone [dr??n] vi. 嗡嗡作响；n. 无人驾驶飞机 2. hearts and minds：情感上的支持

3. underutilized [??nd?（r）?ju?t??la?zd] adj. 未充分利用的

4. crater [?kre?t?（r）] n. 坑（如陨石坑、弹坑等）

5. Clive Cussler：克莱夫·卡斯勒（1931～），美国惊险小说作家，代表作为《印加宝藏》（Inca Gold）。

6. proprietary [pr??pra??t（?）ri] adj. 以某一专利商标名称出售的

7. make the switch：做出转变

8. tactile [?t?kta?l] adj. 能触觉到的，可感知的

9. pelt [pelt] vt. 连续地投掷

10. courtesy of：经由……提供的

11. Joint Direct Attack Munition：联合直接攻击弹药，简称“JDAM”，是一种利用GPS引导的自动寻敌炸弹。

12. bar mitzvah：（13岁时举行的）犹太男孩成人仪式

13. rad [r?d] adj. 顶呱呱的

14. loop-de-loops：翻筋斗（一种特技飞行）

15. ominously [??m?n?sli] adv. 预感不祥地

16. harness [?hɑ?（r）n?s] n. 挽具状带子

17. mileage [?ma?l?d?] n. 英里数

18. no-brainer [?n???bre?n?（r）] n. 不需动脑筋的事，简单的事