一封大学拒录信

I wake up， after my third attempt at shutting down my alarm. I aimlessly walk to my desk， turn on my never-off computer， attempt to type my password in my near-conscious state， succeed at the ninth， and open my mail application on the taskbar. Seven 1）notifications， I scroll down， I see NYU. I think， oh， just another email that tells me how exciting my dream school is and how everybody there is having the time of their life and how I should be there too. But then I see “Your NYU Admissions Decision.” Purple 2）letterhead， my address， oh my God， this is official.

Dear Marc，

The admissions committee at New York University has carefully considered your application and supporting 3）credentials， and it is with regret that I must inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to one of our NYU campuses this year.

Worst. Morning. Ever.

I think it took me 4）approximately 59 and a half minutes to truly realize the gravity of the situation. I did not know as to whether or not I would 5）succumb to my inner-toddler and throw the biggest 6）tantrum ever or go back to sleep and try to never wake up again. I tried to direct the blame to the admissions team that supposedly“regretted” their decision. Then I tried to blame my counselor， whom I devised a scenario for whereby she forgot to send everything， which of course did not happen. Ultimately I directed the blame to myself， telling myself I wasn’t good enough， that I could’ve done better， that I should’ve studied harder for the 7）SATs， or that the reason why they rejected me was because I just didn’t want it as much as the others. As usual， before I even got a chance to get up from the computer， I began to compare myself to how everybody else was doing， how I wasn’t like the 8）valedictorian， going to Harvard， or my friend， who got a full ride to her first-choice college. I threw a pity party attended by nobody but myself and 9）ate a generous slice of humble pie， because I knew that this was just the first of many major rejections I would face in life.

Lastly， I printed out that email and framed it.

It was almost second nature to me， as if it was natural to objectify my failure and place it in a location in my house for the entire family to see. Of course I’ve contemplated taking it down and just throwing it away， but I’ve realized that I framed the letter to serve as a reminder of what I’ve realized about myself and the average teenager today.

I compare myself to others in order to define how successful I am. It’s almost natural for human beings to compare themselves to others， primarily because we live in a community of social competition. When I lived amongst the Harvards， the Yales and the MITs， it became second nature for me to 10）put them on a pedestal and 11）simultaneously develop an 12）inferiority complex.

I’ve realized through a single rejection letter that as a teenager， we are pushed and pushed and pushed to almost fit into a mold of success. No longer are we only concerned with crafting a successful social image； we are also concerned with an image of personal success in the eyes of others.

As teenagers， we have goals. We have goals to finally graduate high school and attend a good college. Sometimes， such as in my case， goals become expectations. We expect to get into the college of our choice. We expect to become successful. But success in itself is 13）subjective. What success is to others may not be what success is to you. Only you are the deciding factor on what success really is， so relying on other people to determine how successful you are isn’t the most reliable way to do so.

I’m not going to graduate as the valedictorian or the 14）salutatorian of my class. Heck， I’m not even graduating in the top 20 percent of my class. I won’t be able to wear a gold 15）sash during my graduation or be able to sit on stage. Sure， some people may think of that as not being successful. But to me， just being able to walk the stage， take that diploma， and leave as a high school graduate―that is success to me.

I framed NYU’s rejection letter ultimately to serve as a reminder to my future self of where I have gotten as a result of what I have overcome. How， in many respects， the rejections I faced in life helped me continually reshape my own personal definition of success.

在三次按下闹钟后，我起床了。我漫无目的地走到书桌前，打开那部一直没关掉的电脑。在半梦半醒之间，我尝试敲出电脑密码。试了9次后，终于成功。我打开任务栏上的邮件应用程序。有7个未读邮件提示，我转动鼠标滚轴往下翻页，看到了纽约大学。我想，嗯，只不过又是一封这样的邮件，告诉我：我心中的理想大学有多棒，那里的每个人过得有多开心，而我也很应该到那里去。但接着，我看到了“纽约大学录取决定”的字样。紫色的信笺抬头，我的地址，噢，天啊，终于来正式结果了。

亲爱的马克：

纽约大学招生委员会已认真审阅了你的申请和提交材料，我很遗憾地通知你，今年我们不能录取你进入纽约大学的各校区。

有史以来，最糟糕的，早上。

我想我用了大概59分钟30秒才真的明白到事情的严重性。我不知道自己要不要放任自己使性子大发雷霆，或是回去睡觉，拒不醒来。我试着责怪那些应该为他们的决定感到“遗憾”的录取人员。接着，我开始责怪我的升学顾问，我臆想她一定是忘了把所有材料都寄过去了――当然事情并非如此。最后，我直接责怪自己，跟自己说，你不够优秀，你原本可以表现得好些，你当初应该为高考再勤奋一些，又或是他们没有录取你是因为你的入学意愿没有其他学生强烈。像往常一样，在我可以从电脑旁站起来前，我开始将自己与别人现时的状况进行比较，疑惑自己为何不像在毕业典礼上致告别词的优秀学生那样上哈佛，又或者不像我的朋友那样获得全额奖学金进入第一志愿大学。我开了一个只有我一个人参加的失意派对，含垢忍辱，因为我知道这只是我人生中将要面对的众多重大拒绝中的第一次而已。

最后，我将这封电邮打印出来，裱了起来。

这几乎是我的第二天性，仿佛客观地看待我的失败，并将其置于家中人人都能看到的地方是件很自然的事。当然，我也想过要把它摘下来，扔掉，但我已明白到我将这封拒绝信裱起来，是要提醒自己，我已经悟出了一些对自己和现今一般青少年的看法。

我将自己与他人比较，以此定义自己有多成功。这可能是人类天然的本性――将自己与他人比较，这主要是由于我们活在一个充满竞争的社会里。在一群哈佛生、耶鲁生和麻省理工生之中，我自然将他们奉若神灵，同时深感自卑。

从这一封拒绝信中，我明白到了作为一名青少年，我们被一直推一直推，推向一个成功的模式之中。我们不但忧心要塑造成功的社会形象，还忧心要塑造成别人眼中的个人成功形象。

作为青少年，我们有目标。我们的目标是成功从中学毕业，然后上一所好大学。有时候，像我这样的情况，目标成了期望。我们希望考进心仪的大学。我们希望有所成就。但成功是很主观的。别人眼中的成功或许并不是你心目中的成功。只有你可以决定成功的真正定义，依赖别人来判断你是否成功并不是最可靠的方法。

我并非班上在毕业礼致辞的杰出学生。糟了，我的毕业成绩甚至还不是班上的前20%。我不会在毕业典礼上戴上金肩带，也不能坐在台上。当然，有些人会认为这就是不够成功。但对我来说，能够走到台上，接过毕业证书，然后作为一个高中毕业生离开――那就是我的成功。

我将纽约大学的拒录信裱起来，是要提醒未来的我，我的成就来自我所战胜的困难。很大程度上，我在人生中对待这些拒绝的态度有助我继续重塑自己对成功的定义。