The Girl with a Broom

【栏目要求】

1. 将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩； 2. 在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号；

3. 根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由； 4. 给学生习作点评；

5. 请点评名师提供简历一份，包括：学校、职务、 职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

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于莹，1992年毕业于山东师范大学，中学高级教师，梁山县优秀教师，市级优质课一等奖，一直担任初中英语的教学工作，连续多年在中考中取得优异成绩。2012年12月在山东省英语竞赛中荣获优秀指导教师称号。先后在《中学生英语》、《山东教育导报》、《现代中学生》、《初中生英语学习》、《英语辅导报》、《英语周报》、《学生导报》、《新课堂》等国家级、省级报刊上发表教学论文三十多篇。

The Girl with a Broom

It was a sunny day. On my way to① home， I walked and sang happily. At the corner of a street I saw a girl of my age standing in front of me with a broom in her hands. I wondered what was she② doing. Then she started sweeping the road. I couldn’t help looking at her up and down. She had long black hair and big eyes. My eyes were following her movements when she noticed me. Both of us smiled.

“Be careful！” she shouted. I turned around to see a truck coming towards me. How dangerous！It was she who helped me escape the danger. The truck roared past. “Thank you，” I said to her. With a smile on her face， she walked away with her broom.

I told my father the whole story. He said he knew the girl. She is one of his students. Her father is a street cleaner. Her mother is ill in bed. She has to help her father at③ his work every morning. After school she hurries home to help her parents make the bed， cook meals， clean the rooms and wash clothes. Then she starts studying.

I was deeply touching④ by her story. “I will learn from her，” I said. My father smiled and said， “My dear daughter， you have grown up.” Since that day， I have worked hard. Whenever I meet any difficulties， I think of the girl with a broom.

山东省梁山县杨营中学八年级 石秀玲

1. 优点：

文章写得真挚感人，描写了一位勤劳懂事的小女孩，虽家境贫寒，却从小就帮父母分担了家庭的重担，并且学习刻苦。作者从她身上学到了许多，受到鼓舞去克服困难，升华了文章的感染力。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① 去掉to，home是副词，前面不加介词to；

② was放she的后面，宾语从句用陈述句语序；

③ at改为with，help... with... 意为“在……帮助某人”；

④ touching改为touched，touched表示“受到感动的”，touching表示“令人感动的”。

3. 评分：

按中考英语作文满分15分的评分标准，本文修改前可得12分。