和儿子去泡吧

Out of the blue1, my 21-year-old son, Brendan, recently home from a four-month backpacking adventure, asked me, “When was the last time you went clubbing?”

“You mean going out to a nightclub?” I asked. “Not since before I had kids.”

“Mum, let’s go to the Vinyl next Friday–I bet you wouldn’t last 10 minutes.”

“Excuse me? Just because I’m a grandmother doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a night on the town. In fact, last week, your dad and I were downtown right in the middle of the action.”

I silently recalled throngs of hormone-infused young people lined up on sidewalks, blowing smoke at one another, police sirens in the background.2

“Mum, you were driving past in the car.”

Right. Would I be able to last 10 minutes at a nightclub? Or would I be caught in the crossfire of a gang war, an innocent grandmother lying on the dance floor in a pool of blood and beer?

I stopped my runaway paranoia3, in time to realize that this was the first time my son had ever asked me out. He actually wanted to spend time with me, his mother.

我21岁的儿子布伦丹刚从一次为期四个月的背包旅行探险活动中归来，他出乎意料地问我：“你上次去泡吧是什么时候？”

“你是指去夜总会吗？”我问，“自从准备生孩子就没再去过了。”

“妈妈，我们下周五去Vinyl夜总会吧——我敢打赌你呆不了十分钟。”

“你说什么？仅仅因为我现在做了祖母并不意味着我就不能在城里痛快地玩一夜了。事实上，上周我和你爸还去了市中心的夜总会呢。”

我静静地回想起那天的场面，一大堆情绪亢奋的年轻人在人行道上排着队等候入场，他们对着彼此吞云吐雾，身后是警车的汽笛声。

“妈妈，你那天只是开车经过而已。”

他说的没错。我真的能在夜总会里呆上十分钟吗?我会不会被卷入帮派的火拼之中？我头脑中出现了一个无辜的祖母躺在舞厅的地板上，身边的血和啤酒在横流的情景。

我及时打住了这不着边际的胡思乱想，意识到这是儿子第一次约我出去。他其实只是想陪陪我，他的母亲。

“Okay, you’re on it4.” I said. “But I want to be home by midnight.”

He gave me a funny look, but agreed.

Not long ago, we went through seven years of estrangement5. During that awful time, I saw myself through Brendan’s eyes as a worrier, a nag, an idiot and a bore. Of course, through my eyes, I was a caring parent and an intelligent, interesting woman.

Now it seemed my son finally wanted to discover the real me.

To ease this task, Brendan invited a few others: his girlfriend and her mother, aunt and uncle. That’s two young people to four middle-aged boomers6. With those demographics7, I felt comforted as we headed down to the club at about my usual bedtime.

There was no lineup. “Much too early,” Brendan explained. Two bouncers scrutinized us. They frisked Brendan and scanned his driver’s licence. They didn’t ask me for ID. I raised my arms for the frisking, but they merely laughed and waved the old gal through. Bonus–it was ladies night so there was no cover charge8 for me or the other women.

We stepped inside. It was dark, except for rotating disco balls, strobe flashes and black lights that made everything white glow. The only white I was wearing were the wads of tissues I had stuffed in my ears in anticipation of a major assault on my hearing. I hoped they weren’t glowing.

Brendan was the perfect date. He bought me a gin and tonic9. Our group sat in a dark corner booth near the dance floor. The music started and the floor came alive. I noticed that dance partners were a thing of the past. It was everyone for himself (or herself, as the ladies night recruits greatly outnumbered the men).

“好，就这么定了，”我说，“但是我想在午夜之前回家。”

他不置可否地笑了笑，但还是同意了。

过去的七年，我们的关系一直都很疏远。这个尴尬的阶段才刚刚结束不久。那时，我从布伦丹的眼中看到了自己，一个杞人忧天、爱唠叨、像个般惹人厌烦的人。当然，在我自己的眼中，我是一个关心孩子的家长，同时也是一个聪慧而有趣的女人。

现在看起来，儿子终于想要认识真正的我了。

为了使此次夜总会之行更加顺利，布伦丹还邀请了其他一些人：他的女友，以及她的母亲、舅舅和舅妈。我们这一行人里，年轻人和中年人的比例是1:2。我们起身去夜总会的时候是我平时上床休息的时间，但有了这样的年龄构成，去的时候我感到很自在。

根本不用排队。“我们来得太早了，”布伦丹解释说。两个保镖对我们进行了仔细的盘查。他们搜了布伦丹的身，还扫描了他的驾照。他们没有问我要身份证。我举起胳膊以便他们搜身，但他们只是笑了一下，挥手示意我这个老女孩进去。令我们特别高兴的是：今天是女士之夜，因此今晚无论是我还是其他女士都不用付服务费。

我们进了门，里面漆黑一片，只有迪斯科旋转彩灯，频闪灯和紫外光灯在闪着光，在这些灯光的照射下，舞厅里所有白色的东西都闪闪发光。我身上唯一白色的东西就是为了预防受不了吵闹而塞在耳朵里的纸巾团。我希望它们不要闪光。

布伦丹是个很好的同伴。他给我买了一杯金汤尼鸡尾酒。我们这一行人坐在舞池附近一个黑暗角落的小隔间里。音乐声响起后，舞池里立刻活跃起来。我发现舞伴已经是过去的事情了。现在大家都是自己跳自己的（由于今晚是女士之夜，单独跳舞的女士甚至超过了男士）。

We finished our drinks. I shouted into Brendan’s ear that 10 minutes had long passed. I had won our bet. Unfortunately, we hadn’t established a prize when we made the bet. But my unacknowledged reward was finally being allowed into my son’s world. It had been a long wait.

We headed for the dance floor, claimed our spot and planted our feet, which was easy because the floor was sticky from splashed drinks. The beat of the music was easy to follow. We got into it soon.

At some point, the air filled with smoke. Wait, that wasn’t smoke. It was mist from a machine, perhaps designed to mimic that hazy nightspot look of yesterday. How ironic, I thought. In my youth, we non-smokers headed outside for gulps of fresh air and a break from the cigarette soup. Today, we avoid the sidewalks, because that’s where the smoke is, and can’t wait to get inside.

During our three hours of dancing, Brendan gave me a few looks of approval. Mother and son were having a great time together. A page had been turned. It dawned on10 me that I have to be careful not to turn the pages back, not to revert to being the parent, but rather to nurture a new relationship. Adult to adult.

Well past midnight, our group decided to find food. We headed to a Chinese restaurant with the good business sense to stay open for the after-clubbers.

Finally able to carry on a conversation, I removed the tissue from my ears. We all agreed that it had been a fun night. There was talk of doing it again. I’m all for it. S

我们喝完了饮料。我冲布伦丹的耳朵大喊十分钟早已过去了。我赢了。不幸的是，我们打赌的时候没有设定赌注。但是我并未公之于众的奖赏却是我终于获准进入儿子的世界了。我等这一刻等了很久。

我们向舞池走去，找了个地方，站住了脚，要站住脚其实很容易，因为有饮料洒在地板上，地板很黏。音乐的节奏很容易跟上，我们很快就适应了。

有时候，空气里弥漫着烟雾。等下，那不是烟雾，只是一台机器里喷射出来的薄雾。这或许是为了模仿过去烟雾缭绕的夜色。我心想，这多讽刺啊。我年轻的时候，我们这些不吸烟的人都是冲到外面去大口大口地呼吸新鲜空气，暂时摆脱屋内烟雾缭绕景象。如今，吸烟者都跑到外面便道上去了，我们为了避开他们则迫不及待地跑到屋里去。

我们跳了三个小时的舞，期间布伦丹几次向我投来了赞许的目光。母亲和儿子正在共度一段美好的时光。我们的关系翻开了新的一页，我意识到我要小心维护，不能让生活再回到过去，我不要再重新扮演家长的角色，相反，我要培养一段新的关系，成年人与成年人之间的关系。

午夜早已过了，我们打算去找东西吃。我们去了一家中国餐馆，他们很有经济头脑，依然在营业，专门为那些从夜店散场回来的人准备的。

终于可以毫无干扰地说话了，我把纸团从耳朵里拿了出来。我们都觉得这一晚很有趣，大家说要找时间再去。我完全赞成。 S