当众哺乳碍着谁?

2015年11月底，一位母亲在北京地铁哺乳遭到偷拍，偷拍者将照片传至网上并指责其行为失当。此事一经曝出便引发争议：有人觉得是母亲做法不雅，有人认为是偷拍者。其实，当众哺乳的做法并没有什么不对，这是一位母亲面对嗷嗷待哺的孩子所做的再自然不过的举动。然而，公共场所母乳喂养室的缺乏致使类似事件和冲突频繁发生。针对这一现状，联合国儿童基金会发起“母爱十平方”活动，倡议公共场所设立母婴室，为母乳喂养提供更多支持。但愿未来妈妈们在外哺乳不再忧虑，也不会再被人投以异样的眼光。

Every now and then， a news report or story related to nursing1） in public pops up in my news feeds. Often， it’s about a mother who was asked to stop nursing while doing so in a restaurant or store. Sometimes， these stories are reporting on the result of a mother being asked to stop breastfeeding： the civil protest by a bunch of breastfeeding mothers. Either way， it usually comes with a very heated debate about whether or not nursing in public is OK.

I only comment on these stories occasionally. Not because I don’t support breastfeeding when and wherever you and your baby please. But being asked to stop nursing is completely beyond my realm of experience； it seems， in a way， fictional.

Between my two daughters， Nora and Zara， I have breastfed for more than three years. In that time， I have breastfed in more places than I can list； everywhere from malls and grocery stores to airplanes and trains to restaurants， parks， beaches―and even while walking down the street. When Nora was a baby and I had to work， I was very lucky to be able to occasionally bring her with me， and thus I have even breastfed while at work： not just in my own office， but also during staff meetings with my boss and colleagues. In all of that time， I have never once been asked by an owner or employee of a business to stop nursing， relocate or cover up.

Until Saturday.

Saturday afternoon， my husband， Chris， and I decided that we would spend the afternoon together as a family at the county rec center2）’s indoor pool. That day， we put on our bathing suits， loaded up the stroller and walked over. We swam， floated and splashed for an hour before we got out of the pool for a break， at which point it became clear that my 3-month-old was hungry and more than a little tired. Without thinking twice， I did the perfectly natural thing： hugged her close “tummy to mummy，” adjusted my bathing suit and latched her on. The conversation Chris and I were having did not miss a beat3）， and Zara quickly settled in.

I’ll be the first to admit， there was a little more of my breast visible than would be the case if we hadn’t been at the pool. While I can’t say that I have ever nursed under a blanket， save one awkward time trying to disappear on a bench in the mall when my older daughter was still a newborn （after which I realized that the blanket was way more trouble than it was worth）， I do generally wear clothes that keep my skin from being exposed while nursing. It’s not exactly my prerogative4） to flash my breasts around， but babies have to eat and in our family that is how they do it ... and honestly， given the size and cut of some of the bikinis in the swimming pool that day， I can hardly understand how someone could complain about seeing a tiny bit more of my breast as I used it for its intended purpose.

So， imagine my surprise when I heard a voice say， “M’am，” and I looked up from peaceful Zara to see a teenage lifeguard standing before me. “We don’t allow breastfeeding on deck； you can go in the locker room.”

For an instant， I completely disconnected from everything around me. All I saw was this girl standing before me in her white t-shirt， obviously so far from motherhood and without any understanding of the implications of what she had just said. For a second， I wondered if that could really just have happened.

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I took a deep breath and with it， the chaos of the noisy pool deck returned. I sat up straighter， looked her square in the eyes， and said， “State law says I can breastfeed wherever I am legally allowed to be.” And that was it. Her face reddened， she mumbled an apology and quickly walked off.

I looked down again just to check. Was my other breast hanging out？ Was Zara not covering as much of me as I had thought？ No. No. In fact， her head and body might have actually been covering more of the top of my breasts than my one-piece bathing suit covered.

I watched the lifeguard rejoin a group of lifeguards standing across the pool， and watched her clearly report on what had happened. Many of them turned to look over at me seated in my chair against the wall； no one else approached， but even as Chris and I marveled in shock at what had just happened， I worried what might come next. Nothing did， but it soured5） the afternoon for us and when we returned to the water， it wasn’t for long.

Though the experience was annoying and I felt uncomfortable to be singled out by the group of lifeguards， since Zara is my second child and I am now a dedicated and confident nursing mother， it won’t ultimately have an impact on my nursing practices or relationship. However， the more Chris and I discussed what had happened， the more I became concerned about how such an experience might impact a new mom， who may already be struggling with nursing or feeling self-conscious6）. Being told that she can’t nurse somewhere could be the thing that makes someone stop breastfeeding.

I remember in vivid detail the nervousness I felt the first time I nursed Nora outside of our home. It was long before I felt comfortable with much of parenting， let alone unbuttoning my shirt in front of others， but I realized that I would need to get over that hurdle if I wanted to meet my one-year breastfeeding goal. So one night， I took advantage of a party at a local maternity/baby boutique， slipped Nora into a sling and headed out. There were plenty of moms and babies there breastfeeding， which made it feel safe. But， there were also men I’d never met and I was horribly embarrassed.

Going to that party turned out to be one of the best decisions I could have made for my breastfeeding confidence. I’ll never forget a friend’s amazing husband （to whom I had just been introduced） who sat across the room from me while Nora nursed， and who talked to me like a normal person as if nothing was going on. His complete non-reaction to breastfeeding was exactly what I needed to start building my confidence in my ability to mother Nora through breastfeeding.

No one， myself included， would breastfeed for a year （which is really just the minimum recommendation） if we could not continue with our lives while doing so. If we were stuck at home， unable to go shopping， eat at restaurants or play with our older children in the swimming pool， it would be impossible to breastfeed for a year. If our first experiences with nursing outside of our comfort zone are of someone telling us we shouldn’t be doing it or creating a feeling of shame or embarrassment， then it is incredibly unlikely that we will continue. Breastfeeding is best for the baby； it is best for the mother； it’s best for the family， best for employers， best for the community and best for the environment. Breastfeeding is best， but if we don’t all support it―which means reacting to it no differently than we would react to the sight of a mother hugging her child―then there will continue to be women who are unable to meet their breastfeeding goals.

Saturday， I filled out a comment card and I called the rec center first thing Monday morning to speak to the pool manager. I conveyed my concern about how an experience like that could profoundly impact the nursing relationship and that I hoped they could better train their staff， especially since they serve so many families. The manager was sincerely apologetic and assured me that she would speak to the lifeguards and supervisors to make sure they know that they cannot ask a woman to stop nursing or to relocate while nursing.

Overall， the outcome here is good. This experience will end up being a tiny blip7） in the whole of my breastfeeding years. It’s an experience that I am glad I had， not just because it was a reminder of how far we still have to go regarding the normalization of breastfeeding in this country， but also because it was a moment that showed me how important it is for us as mothers to be confident in our choices and to be able to stand up for ourselves and our children. I could have moved to the locker room， but I didn’t because I knew that I wasn’t doing anything of which I should be ashamed or that should be hidden. I was caring for my baby in the best way that I know how and I was setting an example of motherhood not just for my daughters， but for every girl and young woman there. Which， when it comes down to it， that is perhaps the best reason for nursing in public in the first place.

时不时，我的新闻推送会突然弹出一则关于在公共场合哺乳的报道，内容往往是一位母亲在餐馆或商店哺乳被阻止。也有的时候，这类新闻报道的是一位母亲被要求停止哺乳所引发的后果―一群哺乳母亲发起的民众抗议。无论是哪种报道，随之而来的通常都是一场十分激烈的辩论，讨论当众哺乳是否合适。

我只是偶尔对这些报道发表评论。并非是因为我不支持这种只要你和孩子乐意随时随地都能哺乳的做法，但被人要求停止哺乳这事儿完全超出了我的经验，有点儿像小说里虚构的一样。

我在抚育两个女儿诺拉和扎拉时喂了三年多的奶。那时，我哺乳过的地方多得列不完：商场、杂货店、飞机、火车、餐馆、公园、海滩，哪儿都喂过，甚至走在大街上时我也喂过奶。当诺拉尚在襁褓之中而我还得去工作时，我非常幸运地可以时不时把她带在身边，所以我甚至在工作时也喂过奶：不仅在我自己的办公室里，在老板和同事们都在场的员工会议上也喂过。在那期间，从未有哪家企业的哪位老板或雇员要求我停止哺乳，换个地方，或者遮挡一下。

直到这周六（编注：英文原文发表于2013年4月）。

周六下午，我和丈夫克里斯决定全家一起去县娱乐中心的室内泳池玩一下午。那天，我们穿上泳装，把孩子和要用的东西放入婴儿车，步行就过去了。我们游了会儿泳，在水上漂了会儿，又打了会儿水仗，玩了一个小时，然后离开泳池想休息一下。就在那时，我那三个月大的宝宝明显饿了，而且很疲倦的样子。于是我不假思索地做了一件再自然不过的事：我抱起她，让她“肚肚贴妈妈”，然后调整泳衣，让她含住。我和克里斯的聊天没有任何间断，扎拉也很快安静下来。

我要先承认，我的比我们不在泳池时露得多一点。我不能说自己曾在哺乳时用过哺乳巾，除了有一次在商场的长凳上，那一次很尴尬，我恨不得隐身消失，当时我的大女儿才刚出生（那之后我才意识到，用哺乳巾的麻烦远远多于它起到的那点作用）。但我在哺乳时穿的衣服通常都能防止身体暴露。倒不是说我有四处袒胸露乳的特权，但是宝宝必须吃东西，而在我们家宝宝就是这么进食的。而且说实话，想想那天游泳池里有些比基尼的尺寸和款式，我就不明白怎么会有人因为看到我稍稍多露出的一点而抱怨，我只不过是让起到其本来的作用。

所以，想象一下我听到那一声“女士”时有多么惊讶吧。我将目光从平静的扎拉身上移开，抬头看到一位十几岁的救生员站在我面前，对我说：“我们不允许在泳池边哺乳。您可以到更衣室去。”

那一瞬间，我与周围的一切完全隔绝开了，我只看到那个女孩站在我面前，穿着白色T恤，显然远远没到做母亲的年纪，也完全不知道自己刚刚说的话意味着什么。有一瞬间，我怀疑刚刚的事情是不是真的发生了。

我深深地吸了口气，与此同时，嘈杂泳池边的喧嚣重回我的耳畔。我坐直了身子，直视她的眼睛说：“州法律规定，我可以在法律允许我去的任何地方哺乳。”就这么一句话。她脸红了，嘟囔着道了歉，然后快步离开了。

我又低头检查了一下。我的另一只露出来了吗？扎拉没有像我想的那样遮住那么多吗？不，不是的。事实上，比起我的连体泳衣，她的头和身体可能把我的胸部遮挡得更严实。

我看到那名救生员回到泳池对面一群站着的救生员中间，她显然在向他们讲述刚刚发生的事情。他们中的许多人转过头，看着坐在靠墙的椅子上的我。没有其他人再过来。但就在我和克里斯为刚才发生的事感到无比震惊的同时，我也担心接下来会再发生什么事。什么都没发生，但我们整个下午都没了兴致。我们后来又下了水，但没玩多久。

虽然这次经历让人恼火，而且被一群救生员单独挑出来说事让我很不舒服，但因为扎拉是我的第二个孩子，而我如今是一位尽职尽责且自信的哺乳妈妈，所以这件事最终不会影响我的母乳喂养，也不会影响我和孩子的哺育关系。然而，我和克里斯越是讨论所发生的事情，就越担心这样的经历会对新晋妈妈造成怎样的影响，她们可能已经在为哺乳而纠结，或是感到难为情。被人告知不能在某个地方哺乳可能会令她们停止母乳喂养。

第一次在家以外的地方给诺拉喂奶时，我感到无比紧张，那些生动的细节现在还记忆犹新。我花了好长时间才适应大部分的育儿工作，更别说在别人面前解开上衣扣子了。但是我意识到，要想实现哺乳一年的目标，我就得迈过这道坎儿。于是一天晚上，我借助本地一家母婴精品店举办的派对来实现这一点。我将诺拉放入婴儿背带，动身前往派对。在那儿，有许多妈妈在给宝宝哺乳，这让人觉得很安全。但是也有我从未谋面的男士在场，这又让我感到极为尴尬。

最后证明，参加那个派对可能是我为建立母乳喂养的信心所做的一个最佳决定。我决不会忘记一位朋友的超棒老公（那时我们刚通过介绍认识）。我在给诺拉喂奶时，他就坐在房间对面，若无其事地照常跟我聊天。他对哺乳丝毫没有显得大惊小怪。我那时正开始为自己是否有能力用母乳喂养诺拉树立信心，他的这种反应正是我所需要的。

如果我们不能在哺乳期继续照常生活，那没有人会哺乳一年（这其实只是最短的建议时间），包括我自己。如果我们被困在家里，不能外出购物，不能在餐馆吃饭，不能在游泳池陪家里大一点的孩子玩，那我们就不可能哺乳一年。如果我们第一次走出心理舒适区哺乳，别人就告诉我们不应该这么做，或者让我们感到羞耻或尴尬，那我们极有可能就不会继续哺乳了。母乳喂养对宝宝是最好的，对妈妈是最好的，对家庭，对雇主，对社区，对环境，都是最好的。母乳喂养是最好的，但我们如果不是人人都支持母乳喂养，我的意思是像看待母亲拥抱孩子一样自然地看待哺乳，那么就一直会有女性无法完成自己的哺乳目标。

周六，我填写了一张意见卡。周一一早，我就打电话给娱乐中心，和游泳池经理通话。我告诉她，我担心像这样的经历可能会严重影响母亲和宝宝的哺育关系，我希望他们能更好地训练员工，特别是因为他们要为那么多家庭服务。经理真诚地道了歉，并向我保证，她会告诫他们的救生员和监督人员，确保他们知道自己不能要求一位女士停止哺乳或是在哺乳时更换地点。

总的来说，这件事的结果倒还好。这次经历最终会成为我哺乳那几年时间里的一个小插曲。我很高兴能有这么一次经历，不仅因为它提醒了我，在这个国家，要让人们将哺乳视为一件自然的事，我们还有很长的路要走；而且还因为那一刻让我看到，我们作为母亲要对母乳喂养这一选择有信心，要能够维护自己和孩子们的权利，这对我们而言十分重要。我本来可以去更衣室，但我没有去，因为我知道自己并不是在做什么我应该引以为耻或见不得人的事。我是在用我所知的最好方式来照料我的宝宝，而且我不仅为我的女儿，也为在场所有的女孩和年轻女性树立了一个母亲的榜样。如此说来，这或许才是在公共场合哺乳首先要考虑的最佳理由。