你怎么能这样?

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my 1)antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad,”you’d shake your finger at me and ask, “How could you?”But then you’d 2)relent and roll me over for a belly 3)rub. My 4)housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of 5)nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs”you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never 6)chided you about bad decisions, and 7)romped with 8)glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

“She,”now your wife, is not a “dog person”-still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her 9)affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.Then, the human babies came along and I shared your excitement.

I was 10)fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only, she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time 11)banished to another room, or to a dog 12)crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a “prisoner of love.”As they began to grow, I became their friend. They 13)clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on 14)wobbly legs, 15)poked fingers in my eyes, 16)investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch-because your touch was now so 17)infrequent-and I would’ve defended them with my life if need be. I would 18)sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There was a time when, if others asked you whether you had a dog, you’d produce a photo of me from your wallet and tell them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered “yes”and changed the subject. I have gone from being “your dog”to “just a dog,”and you 19)resent every 20)expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and your folks will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You’ve made the right decision for your “family,”but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride, until we arrived at the animal 21)shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said, “I know you will find a good home for her.”They 22)shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understood the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with “papers.”

You had to 23)pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed: “No, Daddy! Please don’t let them take my dog!”And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and 24)leash with you. You had a deadline to meet, and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home.They shook their heads and asked, “How could you?”

They are as 25)attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my 26)pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you, that you had changed your mind -that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the happy puppies 27)frolicking for attention, 28)oblivious to their own fate, I 29)retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps, as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the 30)aisle after her, to a separate room. 31)blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in 32)anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her.The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a 33)tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I 34)licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago.She expertly slid the 35)hypodermic needle into my vein.As I felt the sting and the cool liquid 36)coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes, and murmured, “How could you?”

Perhaps because she understood my dog-speak, she said: “I’m so sorry!”She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored, or 37)abused, or 38)abandoned, or have to 39)fend for myself-a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to 40)convey to her with a 41)thump of my tail, that my “How could you?”was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

当我还是一只小狗狗时，我用古怪的动作取悦你，逗你笑。你当我是你的孩子，尽管我咬坏了你的鞋子，谋杀了你的抱枕，我仍是你最好的朋友。当我耍坏时，你会摇摇手指，对我说：“你怎么能这样呢？”然后你会宽恕我，给我挠肚子。我的入住比预期的时间要长一点，因为你很忙，但我们共同度过了这个难关。我记得那些晚上，我用鼻子蹭蹭睡在床上的你，倾听你的自信和秘密的梦想，我想，没有比这更完美的生活了。我们会长时间地散步，在公园里赛跑，去兜兜风，还会停下来买冰淇淋吃（我只尝到冰淇淋筒，因为你说吃冰淇淋对狗狗不好。）我会在阳光下睡觉，等你结束一天的工作回家。

渐渐地，你把更多的时间花在了工作和事业上，花在了寻找人类伴侣上。我耐心地在旁守侯，在你心碎和失望时给予安慰，从不因你做出了错误的决定而求全责备，在你的家庭派对上、在你坠入爱河时为你欢呼雀跃。

“她”，你现在的妻子，不是一个爱狗之人―可我仍然欢迎她来到我们的家，尽力表示友好并服从她的命令。你很快乐，所以我也很快乐。不久，宝宝们来到人世，我和你一样激动。

我为他们的粉嫩和气味着迷，我也想做他们的母亲。只有你和她担心我会伤害到宝宝，所以大部分时间我都被赶到另一个房间或是赶回我的小窝里。噢，我多么想爱他们啊，然而我成为了一名“爱的囚徒”。他们逐渐长大，我成了他们的朋友。他们抓住我的毛，颤着双腿站起来，他们用手指弄我的眼睛，检查我的耳朵，吻我的鼻子。我喜欢他们的一切，还有他们的触摸―因为你已经很少碰我了―必要时，我会不惜用我的生命来保护他们。我会偷偷溜进他们的被窝，倾听他们的担忧和秘密的梦想，和他们一起等待你驾车回来。

曾经有那么一段时间，当有人问起你是否养狗时，你会从钱包里拿出我的照片，给他们讲我的故事。而过去这几年，你只是答一声“是的”，就换了话题。我从“你的狗”，变成了“只是一条狗”，你还讨厌每一样用在我身上的花费。

你在事业上有了新的发展机会，那是在另一座城市，你和你的家人要搬到一间不允许养宠物的房子去。你为你的“家庭”做了一个正确的决定。然而曾几何时，我就是你唯一的家人。

我为能去兜风感到兴奋不已，直至发现我们到达的地方是动物庇护所。那里充斥着猫狗的气味，弥漫着恐惧和绝望的气氛。你填妥一份表格，说：“我知道你们能为她找到一个好的家庭。”他们耸耸肩，露出了为难的表情。他们知道一只中年的狗要面对一个怎样的现实，即使它有所谓的“文件”。

你费力地拉开儿子抓住我项圈的手，他尖叫着说：“爸爸，不要！请不要让他们带走我的狗！”我很担心他。你曾教育他要懂得友谊和忠诚，爱和责任，以及尊重所有的生命。

你拍拍我的头说再见，却没看我，并很有礼貌地松开了我的项圈和狗绳。你有你的期限，现在我也有了。你走了之后，那两位好心的女士说你可能几个月前就已经知道要搬家，却没有尝试为我找一个好的归宿。她们摇摇头，说：“你怎么能这样呢？”

庇护所里的工作人员非常忙，但他们依然对我们尽可能地体贴入微。他们给我们喂吃的，不过我几天前就已经没有食欲了。刚开始，每当有人经过我的笼子，我都会冲上前，希望那个人会是你，希望你回心转意，希望这一切只是一场噩梦……或者说我希望至少会是某个在乎我的人，或者任何可能拯救我的人。

当我意识到自己争不过那些小狗时―它们嬉戏着吸引别人的注意，忘记了自己的命运―我退回到一个远远的角落，等待着。一天要结束了，我听到她向我走来的脚步声，我跟随她沿着走廊走到一间单独的房间里。一间让我感到喜悦和安静的房间里。她把我抱到桌子上，挠挠我的耳朵，告诉我别担心。我的心沉下去了，预感到有些事情将要发生，却也有一种解脱的感觉。爱的囚徒的日子终于走到尽头了。

我更为她担心，这是我的天性。她肩负着沉重的压力，我明白的，就像我理解你的每一种心情。

当她温柔地把一个压脉器绑在我的前腿，一滴泪水划过她的脸颊。我舔舔她的手，就像多年前安慰你时一样。她很熟练地将皮下注射针头我的静脉血管。我感到一阵刺痛，一股冰凉的液体在我的体内流动，我昏昏沉沉地躺下来，看着她善良的双眼，喃喃自语：“你怎么能这样？”

或许听懂我的话，她说：“对不起！”她抱住我，急切地解释说这是她的工作，她要送我到一个更好的地方去，在那里我不会被忽视，被虐待，被遗弃，也不需要独立养活自己―一个与这尘世截然不同的充满爱和光的地方。

我用最后的一点力气摇了摇尾巴，想告诉她我的那句“你怎么能这样？”并不是针对她说的。这是对你说的，我心爱的主人，我在想你。我会永远想念你，等你。愿你生命中的每一个人都能给予你如此的忠诚。