直升机型父母

By joanne Leuy-Prewitt

Do you know parents of high schoolstudents who come to the rescue whenever theirson or daughter is in a tough spot? Are they stilldelivering forgotten lunches or gym clothes toschool? Have they tried to negotiate with theschool for a different teacher or a better grade?

If so, they may be helicopter parents.

Helicopter parents hover and swoop in torescue their children from any adversity. Collegeadmissions offices began using this moniker afew years ago when they noticed that parentswere becoming increasingly involved in the dailylives of their college-age children.

Helicopter parents are problematic atdifferent stages of development. For youngchildren, constant hovering can inhibit a child’sability to develop his or her own motivation,self-confidence of sense of responsibility. Whyshould Johnny make the effort to remember histrombone if he knows that dad will bring it toschool? Cell phones, even for young children,have made this type of communication andrequest for help common.

However, helicopter parents pose differentproblems for high school students. High schoolstudents are trying to separate and individuatefrom their parents, and parents who can’t let gocan inhibit that process.

Moreover, students who haven't had theopportunity to navigate their own obstacles-whether social of academic-emerge fromadolescence ill-equipped to handle the demandsof college and adulthood.

Helicopter parents of high school studentsare often over-involved because they are caughtup in the competitive admissions frenzy and fearthat their children won't end up at the “right”college. As a response, they orchestrate andmicro-manage every teacher, class and activityin which their child participates-from birththrough high school--to ensure that they’ll haveeverything they need for admission to the “best”college.

I’m not advocating a complete hands-off approach from parents either. Obviously,children who have attentive, loving and involvedparents thrive both in school and in life. I don’tthink it’s a crime to bring a lunch to school onoccasion, nor do ! think parents should adopt alaissez-faire attitude about college preparation.

However, I think that it’s wise to be mindfulof the importance of teaching self-reliangceand responsibility, and that requires backingoff a little and letting students-of all ages-experience the life lessons and consequences oftheir actions. A student in middle school whoearns that late homework will lead to a loweredgrade will be far better off than a student wholearns that lesson in high school.

你知道有这样的高中生父母么，每当儿女陷入困境，他们就去帮忙?他们还在把孩子忘记带的午餐或体操服送到学校吗?他们是不是还曾试图为孩子更换老师或换个更好的评分而与学校协商?

如果是这样，那么他们可能就是“直升机型父母”。

直升机型父母随叫随到，以帮助他们的孩子脱离困境。几年以前，当大学招生办公室注意到父母越来越多地介入大学学龄子女的日常生活时，他们就开始使用这个绰号。

直升机型父母会在孩子不同的成长阶段造成很多问题。对于年幼的孩子，如果父母总是随叫随到，会妨碍孩子培养主动性、自信心或责任感。如果约翰知道爸爸会把长号带到学校，他又何必将此事挂记于心?手机――甚至对孩子来说――已经使这种交流和求助变得很普遍了。

然而，直升机型父母给高中生造成了不同的问题。高中生正试图脱离他们的父母，形成自己的个性，不愿放手的父母会阻碍这个过程。

此外，一直没有机会自己排除障碍――不管是社会交往方面还是学业方面的障碍――的学生一旦走出青少年时期，往往会在应对大学和成年时期的种种困境时显得能力不足。

高中生的直升机型父母经常过分介入孩子的生活，因为他们被卷入竞争激烈的招生热潮中，担心他们的孩子最后会无法进入“理想的”大学。作为回应，他们精心安排、细节管理孩子的每位老师、每门课程以及参加的每项活动――从出生到高中――来确保孩子拥有进入“最好的”大学所需要的一切。

我并不是主张父母完全放手的做法。显然，有父母的体贴、关爱、积极参与，孩子就会在学习和生活两方面健康发展。我既不认为父母偶尔把午餐送到学校是一种罪过，也不认为父母应该对孩子上大学的准备工作采取自由放任的态度。

然而，我认为明智的做法是不要忘记向孩子传授自立和责任感的重要性，父母需要退后一些，让(各年龄段的)学生去经历生活的教训并体验自己行为的后果。在初中就明白迟交家庭作业会得较低分的学生比到高中才得到这个教训的学生处境要好得多。