一位伊顿毕业生的自述

对于《私人飞机》的读者来说，要不要送孩子去海外留学不是一个需要讨论的问题。家长所纠结的，是去哪个国家读书，什么时候去，要不要寄宿，几岁出去最合适等技术细节。必益教育（BE Education）的总裁威廉（William Vanbergen）在全球最富盛名的伊顿公学度过了他的中学时光，他的父亲和祖父也都曾是伊顿生。祖父Vivian Vanbergen曾获得“飞行功勋十字勋章”，父亲Richard Vanbergen是英国知名创业家，80年代就曾登上泰晤士富豪排行榜。如今这位贵族后裔将英式教育带入中国，并为本地家庭提供海外留学的咨询和协助。据说，伊顿的中国学生，50%都是他送去的。

见到威廉，我吃了一惊。我以为会是一个已经开始谢顶的中年绅士――教育专家不应该是那样的形象吗？没想到出现在眼前的是一个高大、健谈、充满活力的小伙子。在这个阴雨绵绵的上海冬日，他却穿着短袖的T恤。那么他对于上述话题有什么话要说吗？

For China’s wealthy and even middle-class families, sending kids to overseas schools is never a question of whether but where and when. We found an old Etonian in Shanghai who has built up a reputable business assisting those families in making these most important decisions. William Vanbergen, the name alone suggests pedigree. It was no surprise that his grandfather Vivian Vanbergen had been awarded the “Distinguished Flying Cross” while serving for the Royal Air Force. And his father Richard Vanbergen was a high-profile entrepreneur on Times Rich List as early as the 1980s. Unsurprisingly also, we heard that the three generations were all from Eton.

But I was still shocked to see such a young, vivacious, boyish-looking tall man in a short-sleeved T-shirt on such a freezing rainy winter’s day. William CAN talk. Let’s hear what he has to say about boarding school, and especially Eton.

William’s Story

威廉的自述

事实上，我是7岁就开始寄宿的。我的父母非常繁忙，尤其是我父亲，整日都在工作，我长大的过程中，他很少有时间和我在一起。但是，他还是抽空教我学会了象棋，让我学会战略部署并学会去分析对手。另外，他带我在山间长跑，不断地要求我，再坚持，再快些！我父亲让我明白，只要你努力，没有什么做不到的事。

我父母为我的人生做了三件重要的好事。除了象棋和长跑，就是送我去寄宿。父亲和祖父都曾是寄宿生，因此这是一个很自然的决定。但是，他们不知该如何跟我说这件事，结果他们什么都没说。一个早晨，妈妈哭泣着帮我收拾好东西，爸爸开车送我到学校。那个学校真大，参观就花了一个小时。然后爸爸就消失了。我问老师，什么时候爸爸回来？他们说，“别担心，6周后期中假期，他会来接你的。我那时才知道自己进了寄宿学校。”

我念的是一所预备学校，里面的学生大部分已经8岁了。预备学校就是为孩子将来进入寄宿中学作准备，因此13岁我就进入了伊顿公学。

伊顿也许是全世界最出名的学校，但它并不是以学科成绩优秀而闻名的。实际上，过去30或35年中，伊顿只有一次学生的考试成绩排名全英第一。在中国，你可以想象，父母们会打电话给校长，恭喜他干得漂亮。伊顿的父母却正好相反，他们打电话给校长抱怨，不该逼着孩子们为了考试分数而耽误全面发展。

伊顿之所以闻名全世界，只有一个原因，就是它是领袖的摇篮。伊顿诞生了20位首相，包括现任首相卡梅隆。伊顿为学生注入强大的自信，让他们坚信，只要自己付出了足够的努力，就可以实现任何目标。而这种信念，不是在课堂里可以造就的。领导力的培养，第一在于运动。运动打造良好的体格和心肺能力，让你能在未来的40年，精力充沛地去做你的事业。运动让你懂得团队合作，学会如何齐心协力实现既定的目标。还有，运动让你深刻领会努力和回报之间的关系。当你跑得比谁都快，你就有得分的机会。

伊顿有一项非常具有特色的运动叫做“墙战”（Wall Game）――墙的两侧各有15名学生，在泥泞中厮杀90分钟，有点像橄榄球。过去100年还没有学生破门得分呢。

学生在伊顿一年年长大，会有机会承担领导的角色，如领导一个社团或俱乐部。学校是一个安全的环境，你犯了错误也不要紧。每次犯错误，你能从中学到很多的东西。在伊顿，该犯的错误都犯了，因此当有朝一日，你领导一个国家，一个公司，一项科研项目时，在你的决策真正至关重要时，你就不会犯错误。

寄宿学校有三大明显的优势。首先，每日省下了路途交通的时间，让孩子们用来学习，并发展性格。在我只有7岁的时候，我可能情愿每天坐在汽车里来回几个小时，和妈妈在一起。可是，当我10岁的时候，学校里的体育、艺术、音乐、戏剧活动更有吸引力，再在汽车中浪费时间，我就要抓狂了。在寄宿学校，从早晨起床到晚上就寝之间的每一刻每一分，你都在做有意思的事情，忙碌而充实。当然，如果你非要打电子游戏，不做作业，谁也拦不住你。可是，你马上就会尝到后果了。

第二，寄宿制学校给你很多机会上台表演，从而建立起你的自信心。我小时候非常害羞。当我第一次上台，在学校的小教堂里面对500人朗读圣经，我的双腿抖个不停，以为自己要心脏病发作。可是当我完成朗读，我发现没有人嘲笑我，而我也还活得挺好。每一次我的信心都在增强，直到可以面对任何观众演说。

第三，跟通常认为的相反，寄宿教育有助亲子关系。我的朋友圈中，寄宿生跟父母的关系往往更好。这是因为，负责做规矩的、严厉、唠叨的角色由老师来承担，父母可以充分发挥支持、鼓励、益友的功能。孩子们会想念父母，当家庭团聚时，大家更珍惜相处的时光。

最后，在寄宿学校中，孩子们和专业人士在一起，这些老师们已经跟数千名孩子打过交道，他们知道何时该表扬鼓励，何时该提醒做规矩，将孩子的潜能更好地发挥。而父母家人并没有那样的教育经验。

我曾经帮助许多中国上流社会的人士送孩子到海外留学，我发现，很多极其成功的父母由于没有时间陪伴孩子，就会对孩子在物质上有求必应，以求补偿。这对孩子的成长非常不利，因为他们会形成这样的概念，就是无论需要什么，找父母就行了。而在寄宿学校，每个人都必须学会和周围建立起友谊和关系，学会交际和交往的能力。没有人会把你当王子公主，你要尊重周围的人。因此你会发现，从寄宿学校出来的人，特别容易交朋友。

I went to boarding school at seven. My parents were extremely busy, especially my father, whom I hardly saw. But when he did have time, he taught me how to play chess, and I learned about strategizing and analyzing your opponents. My father also took me running in the mountain until I was exhausted. He kept on saying, faster, faster! He made me realize that as long as you work hard, there is nothing you cannot achieve.

My parents did three great things for me. Apart from chess and running, it was sending me to boarding school. My grandfather and my father all went to boarding school, so that was a natural decision. But my parents couldn’t quite figure out how to tell me about it. In the end, they told me nothing. One morning, my mom packed my things and started crying. My dad drove me to school. The school was so big; it took us an hour on the tour. Then my father disappeared. I asked the teacher where he had gone. They said, “Don’t worry; they will pick you up six weeks later for the mid-term break.” I found out only then that I was in boarding school.

I was in a prep school. Most of the kids were already 8. Prep schools prepare kids for boarding schools and I arrived at the Eton at 13.

Eton is arguably THE most famous school in the entire world, but it is not famous for doing well in exams. Indeed in the last 30 or 35 years, there was just one year it did come on top of the league table. In China, you would imagine parents ringing up the headmaster and saying, congratulations, well done! But not the Eton parents. They demanded to know why children were forced to work so hard on exams, and how on earth they could develop properly if they spent all the time revising for exams?

Eton is really famous for one thing producing leaders. David Cameron is the 19th British prime minister (another one from Thailand, making the total 20) coming from that one school. Eton gives its students enormous confidence in themselves, making them believe that if they work hard enough, they can achieve whatever goals they set for themselves. And that takes place outside the classroom. To cultivate leadership, the first thing is sports. Sports build up your physique, your lungs and heart, making sure you can keep going for the next 40 years. It teaches you teamwork, and how to get on and corporate with one and another to achieve the desired results. Doing sports all day also shows you the association between efforts and reward. When you run faster than anyone else, you have the opportunity to strike first and score a goal.

One of Eton’s specialty is the Wall Game, which to be honest, you have to be slightly mad to thrive. It is essentially rugby with 15 people played by the side of a wall, hurting each other in the mud for 90 minutes. Interestingly enough, nobody has ever scored a goal in over 100 years.

As you go up in the school, you have the opportunity to lead different teams, societies or clubs, in a safe environment where it doesn’t matter if you make mistakes. And each time you make a mistake, you learn so much more from it. Later in life, when you lead a country, run a company or lead a big scientific research project, you are ableto make the right decisions when it really matters.

There are three main advantages to boarding schools. First, it saves a lot of commuting times, which could be used to learn things and develop personalities. When I was seven, I wasquite happy to be sitting in a car with my mom for an hour each way. But by the time I was ten, I would be mad in a car, not doing sports, arts, music and drama with my friends at school. At boarding schools, you are always doing something. Of course, if you choose to play computer games rather than doing your homework, it is entirely up to you. But you learn the consequence pretty immediately.

Secondly, you have a lot of opportunities performing on stage and building up your confidence. I was very shy when I was small. The first time I read out a chapter from the Bible in front of 500 people in a chapel, my legs were shaking and I was pretty sure I would have a heart attack. But when I finished, I found nobody was laughing at me, and I wasn’t dead. When I did it again and again, my confidence built up. Today I can speak in front of any audience with absolutely no problems.

Thirdly, contrary to what might be generally believed, boarding actually improves parent-children relationships. I have friends who went to both boarding schools day day schools, and I found boarders often have much closer relationships with their parents. Parents are no longer responsible for disciplining their children, instead they can play the supporting and nurturing role. Believe me, children do miss their parents they when are boarding. And when they do go home, it is quality time that everybody treasures.

Finally, teachers are professionals. They have dealt with thousands of children. They know exactly when to praise and encourage, when to remind and discipline. Parents and families not necessarily have the expertise to do so.

I have helped many children from China’s top society to go overseas for studies. Many extremely successful parents give their children absolutely everything to compensate for not spending enough time with them. This is not good for children. They would come to the conclusion that no matter what they want, the only thing they need to do is to ask mom or dad. At boarding school, they have to respect and get along with others, for nobody gets special treatment. People will find that those who have been to boarding schools are able to make friends very easily.

Ask William

对话威廉

问：英国寄宿学校的伙食还凑合吗？

答：糟透了。开玩笑的，这十年来英国寄宿学校最大的变化就是饮食。当我还就读时，伙食还真不敢恭维。我爸爸的年代就更不用提了。而在我爷爷的岁月，他们喝啤酒以代早餐。十年前，我带中国家庭参观学校，总是小心翼翼地避开午餐时间。此后逐年改善；如今营养口味都已相当好。我情愿在学校吃饭而不是在酒店进餐。

问：难道英国寄宿学校完美无缺吗？

答：那当然要看你去哪个学校，英国可能有上百所寄宿学校，并不是每个学校都一样好，有些可能非常糟糕。寄宿学校曾经有过恃强欺弱的事件，但是由于学校检查审计体系的完善，这一情况已经扭转，在有些学校几乎绝迹。就我个人来看，老实说伊顿公学无需做任何改变。因为每个孩子都有那么多的机会发展自己的特长。我足球踢不好，但划船很擅长。划船是很痛的，而且需要团队合作。但是，如果你能超越痛苦，努力再努力，你会获得很大的成功和满足。最重要的是，要为孩子找到合适的学校。一个很好的考察方式，就是看看高年级的孩子是什么样子。另外，跟校长见面，了解学校的理念非常重要。

问：上了英国寄宿中学就能直通英国顶尖大学吗？

答：学生得通过考试。但是，寄宿学校给他们如此好的准备，上好大学的机会自然很大。而且，寄宿学校门槛很高，如果孩子不是那块材料，根本就不会被录取。

问：在寄宿学校没有父母监督，钢琴、小提琴等乐器练习能坚持吗？

答：小时候，比起做功课，吹小号对我更有吸引力。很多寄宿学校都有自己的交响乐团，音乐练习不是问题。如果孩子没有练钢琴，一定是因为他/她找到了自己更喜欢的爱好。

问：几岁去英国寄宿合适呢？

答：越早越好，但孩子必须愿意。名校的话，一般男孩13岁，女孩11岁。如果你在这个年龄段申请，名校的录取率是1/10左右。如果16岁再申请伊顿，录取率就成了1/200。

问：英美寄宿学校的区别在哪里？

答：这是个很大的话题，建议上我们的微博看专题文章。

Q: If food okay at British boarding school?

A: Awful! I am kidding. Actually the biggest change to British boarding schools over the last decade has been food. When I was at boarding school, food wasn’t so good. At my father’s time, it was disgusting. And in my grandfather’s days, they had beer for breakfast instead of breakfast. 10 years ago, when I took Chinese families to visit schools, I made sure we didn’t have lunch at school. But things have improved dramatically year on year. Today food is actually quite good and I’d rather have meals at school than hotels.

Q: Are there any weaknesses to British boarding schools?

A: Depends on where you go. There are hundreds of schools in the U.K., not all of them are equally good. Some are even quite bad.There has been bullying in some schools. But the stringent inspection system has almost wiped it out in most schools.ersonally I wouldn’t change a thing at Eton. Every child gets so many opportunities to develop. I cannot kick a ball, but at Eton I had the opportunity to become very good at rowing. It hurts and it takes a lot of teamwork. But if you can overcome the pain, work harder and harder, you will be amply rewarded.The most important thing is to find the right school for your kid. A good way is to observe what kind of children the seniors turn out to be. It is also quite important to meet with the headmaster and understand his/her philosophies.

Q: Will boarding school students be admitted to top British universities?

A: They have to pass exams. But schools prepare them so well that it is almost a given that they would migrate to good universities. If children don’t have what it takes to go to good universities, they wouldn’t have been admitted in the first place.

Q: Without the supervision of parents, will children continue to play piano and violin?

A: When I was a child I would rather play trumpet than doing academic work. Many boarding schools have their own orchestras and bands, music practice isn’t a problem. If a child stops playing piano, he/she must have found his/her true passion.

Q: What’s the suitable age to go boarding in the U.K.?

A:The younger the better, but the child needs to be comfortable with the decision. To top schools, boys at 13 and girls at 11. If you apply at this age, the acceptance rate is 1/10. If you apply to Eton at 16, it comes down to 1/200.

Q: What’s the difference between boarding schools in the U.S. and the U.K.?

A: That’s a big topic. You might want to check our weibo for Emma’s column on it.