广场恐惧症曾夺去了我的生活

学习小提示：

Phobia（恐惧症）是一种精神官能症，特征为发病者对某些事物或情境产生莫名的恐惧。纵使当事者明知不会受到伤害，也无法控制恐惧的情绪。如：

The man had a phobia about flying.（这个男人有飞行恐惧症。）

另外，-phobia是后缀，构成名词，表示某种恐惧症，这些恐惧症五花八门，如ablutophobia（洗澡恐惧症）、claustrophobia（幽闭恐惧症）、cyberphobia（电脑技术恐惧症）、frigophobia（寒冷恐惧症）等。本文作者提到的agoraphobia 就是由agora（广场，市场）和phobia组成的。

I’ve lost count of how many mornings I lay awake， unwilling to move a muscle and unable to crawl out from beneath the sheets. Most days the fear and panic was just too much to take. If I didn’t have work， then I didn’t wash， or bother to get dressed. I would just lie in bed， wishing I hadn’t woken up.

How It All Began

I wasn’t always like this. I used to be happy to go anywhere， anytime， but when I was 14 my friends and I 1）got jumped by a 2）gang of 3）lads. That changed everything.

Entirely 4）unprovoked， they started shouting 5）abuse at us then ran over and beat us up. I was repeatedly 6）punched in the face and chest， I was lucky I wasn’t seriously injured. But while the physical 7）bruises from the beating healed quickly， the 8）psychological effect of the attack didn’t. I became much less willing to leave the house， especially at night. I was well aware I had begun to 9）withdraw， but after what happened it felt like it was in my best interest.

From time to time I was able to 10）fend these feelings off， but the fear never really left me. As soon as I made some progress it would come back with a 11）vengeance. Trying to leave the house was like fighting a losing battle. It was exhausting. By the time I was 22， I had 12）slipped further and further into 13）depression. I would only leave the house when I had to and， when I did， I would have 14）consistent panic attacks. It was unbearable. I stopped seeing my friends as I couldn’t even make it across the street to the local shop. After months of suffering， I decided it was time to seek help.

Seeking Help

My 15）GP 16）diagnosed depression and agoraphobia and offered me a choice of 17）counselling 18）sessions over the phone or face-to-face. I went for the phone option but it didn’t work out. The counsellors were fantastic， yet I found it difficult to follow their suggestions because of how I was feeling. It was partly due to the fear， but also I think because it was easier to 19）brush off advice made over the phone and take the easier path.

I started to feel better for a short period， but once the sessions ended I 20）regressed completely. So I returned to my GP， determined to give it another go. This time I 21）opted for face-to-face counselling， which was the best decision I ever made.

Getting Better

It was fantastic. About halfway through the course I noticed an 22）instantaneous change in myself. In one session， my counsellor encouraged me to 23）induce a panic attack so I could face my fear of them； being scared of them 24）apparently makes them worse. She had me sit and close my eyes until the feelings 25）dissipated. And ever since that day the fear has been dramatically reduced.

Even though I still suffer with some of the 26）symptoms of agoraphobia， they no longer have anywhere near the same impact on my life. Since completing my course of counselling， I’m in a much better position to deal with them. I’ve never looked back. However， that wasn’t the only thing that helped me along the way.

Don’t Do It Alone

I was very lucky to have the full support of my friends and family. My best friend visited me regularly to make sure I was doing OK， my brother came round every Wednesday to watch films and talk， and my sister happily drove me to all of my doctors’ 27）appointments. Above all， my mum and dad were very supportive. I really don’t think I could’ve made it through without the love and support of my mum. She told me that one day I would look back on it all as just a bad 28）patch in my life， and she was right. My life is so different now. I started a university course and have been working towards my degree for almost a year. I’m not sure I’d be able to cope with the pressures of university if I hadn’t faced my agoraphobia head on.

Looking Forward

If I could give one piece of advice to anyone in the same position， it’s that you should seek help. Nobody 29）deserves to feel the way I did. There is help 30）available and it really made all the difference in the world to me.

I still have good days and bad days. I’m not sure it will ever disappear completely， but nowadays I wake up ready and willing to face the world. When I think of how I used to feel in the mornings it all seems like a bad dream...one that I’m so glad I managed to wake up from.

我已经数不清有多少个早上我眼睁睁地躺在床上，一点也不想动，无法从被单下爬出来。大多数时候，这种恐惧和惊慌让我难以承受。如果我不用去工作，我就不去洗漱，也懒得去换衣服。我就只是躺在床上，希望自己没有醒来。

一切的起源

我不是一直都是这样的。我以前很乐意在任何时候到任何地方去。但在14岁那年，在我和朋友们被一群家伙打了之后，一切随之改变。

几乎在没有任何征兆的情况下，他们开始辱骂我们，还冲过来打我们。我的脸和胸脯不断被打，好在没有受很严重的伤。虽然身上的瘀伤可以很快好起来，但精神上的伤害则不然。我变得越来越不愿意走出家门，尤其是在晚上。我很清楚意识到自己开始不断退缩，但经过这件事以后，这似乎是最适合我的做法。

尽管有时候我能够抵挡住这些感觉，但内心的恐惧从未真正消失。只要稍有好转，它就马上反扑。想走出家门就像去打一场必输无疑的仗，令我疲乏不堪。到了22岁，我一步步陷入抑郁的状态。只有不得不出门的时候我才会出去；出门以后，我的恐慌症会持续发作，让人难以忍受。我不再和朋友见面了，因为我连走到对面马路的商店也做不到。就这样被折磨了几个月后，我决定寻求帮助。

寻求帮助

医生诊断我得了抑郁症和广场恐惧症，让我选择通过电话或面对面的方式进行咨询辅导。我选择了电话辅导，但情况没有改善。辅导人员很好，但由于我心里的感觉太糟糕，我发现自己无法执行他们的建议。一部分是因为那种恐惧感，但我认为也有一部分是因为无视电话里的建议、选择轻松一点的路更为简单。

短时间内，我的感觉渐渐好起来，但只要咨询一结束，我又完全倒退回去。于是我又去找医生，决定再试一次。这次我选择了面对面的辅导――这是我有史以来最明智的决定。

情况好转

这次的辅导好极了，辅导大约过半的时候我感到了一瞬间的变化。在其中一节咨询上，辅导员鼓励我主动引发一次“恐慌袭击”，好让我能面对由此带来的恐惧感――惧怕它们显然令情况更糟。她叫我坐下来，闭上眼睛，直到（恐惧的）感觉消散。自从那天以后，我的恐惧真的大大减少了。

虽然广场恐惧症的一些症状依然困扰着我，但它们对我生活造成的影响和以往大大不同了。完成了辅导后，我能更好地应付它们。我从没往回看。然而，一路上支持我的不止这个。

不要孤军作战

我很幸运，得到了亲友的全力支持。我最好的朋友会定期过来看看我的情况如何；我的哥哥每周三都会过来陪我看电影和聊天，姐姐也乐意每次开车送我到医生那里看病。最重要的，是我的父母都很支持我。没有了妈妈的爱和支持，我真的觉得自己无法熬过来。她对我说，有朝一日当我回想起这段经历，就会发现它只是我生命中一个不好的片段，她是对的。我现在的生活大大不同了。我开始修读大学课程，为获取学位奋斗了将近一年。如果我当初逃避广场恐惧症，我不知道自己是否有能力应付读大学的压力。

展望未来

如果要为和我处境相同的人提供建议，那就是寻求帮助。没有人生来就要受我这样的苦。帮助随处可见，而它彻底改变了我的世界。

我的生活依然时好时坏，我不确定广场恐惧症是否永远消失了，反正我现在一醒来就做好准备，面对这个世界。当我想到以前早上起床的感觉，那就像一个噩梦……真高兴我成功摆脱了这个噩梦。